[this is the worst morning he's ever had and he's questioning all of his life choices. he honestly makes a gagging noise when she kisses his cheek - and his automatic response is to lean over and bite her ear because apparently that's what revenge looks like when he doesn't want to actually kick her out]

I'd ask you to wash the dishes but you'd probably still leave them greasy, so I won't bother.

[his neatfreak tendencies just won't accept it]

Everything else you said is probably true though - and don't you forget it.

[this is like actively plotting against a future together and for some reason they're both okay with it]