[itsuki's eyes flutter closed at the soft kiss to his palm, then to his wrist. partly because the sensation is so soft, and makes him feel safe and loved. partly because he doesn't trust himself not to look like he's struggling with what to say in response,
'you can want more than what i want'
itsuki wants that for buzen, but a part of him does not. he's afraid that one day buzen, with his open and loving heart, might look to someone else. maybe after itsuki leaves, maybe before. he might want more than just this life, he might want one with someone who could actually spend it with him, who could say all the right things and be gracious where itsuki cannot.
if buzen wants what itsuki wants, then is that really fair to buzen...? he doesn't know. he doesn't have the right answer to say. maybe if he was more used to being sincere, instead of living his life speaking half-truths and constantly avoiding pain.]
...I want to remember you. More than anything. Now, and in whatever next life I'm allowed to have.
[maybe buzen will want to be with someone who'll listen to his wants, but]
That's why I can't quite let it go, even though you forgive me. I can't forgive a life where I don't know you, or find someone else. I won't ever be with anyone who isn't you again. ...You deserve a heart that won't falter, and I want to give that to you.
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'you can want more than what i want'
itsuki wants that for buzen, but a part of him does not. he's afraid that one day buzen, with his open and loving heart, might look to someone else. maybe after itsuki leaves, maybe before. he might want more than just this life, he might want one with someone who could actually spend it with him, who could say all the right things and be gracious where itsuki cannot.
if buzen wants what itsuki wants, then is that really fair to buzen...? he doesn't know. he doesn't have the right answer to say. maybe if he was more used to being sincere, instead of living his life speaking half-truths and constantly avoiding pain.]
...I want to remember you. More than anything. Now, and in whatever next life I'm allowed to have.
[maybe buzen will want to be with someone who'll listen to his wants, but]
That's why I can't quite let it go, even though you forgive me. I can't forgive a life where I don't know you, or find someone else. I won't ever be with anyone who isn't you again. ...You deserve a heart that won't falter, and I want to give that to you.