[...Did he mean well? He's not sure. He'd say no if these feelings belonged to someone else, if he had the presence of mind to think about them rationally.
...He doesn't want to ask that question, and have Buzen reassure him with his understanding. He'd rather just listen to him instead, burdened with guilt -- while also cherishing this moment. That Buzen can be upset with him, that he can tell him what he wants, that he's here.]
...Should've known better.
[even in a situation where he did mean well,]
You would have never been happy, even if I tried my best.
... you were feeling scared, right? [at the idea of losing buzen again, once they both went out into the real world. buzen frowns a little, thoughtfully] Sometimes it can probably be hard to think straight, when you're nervous like that.
I like sharing dreams with you, Suki. I'm really glad for your power and how you can help people...
Just harder to manage it for longer periods like that.
[Itsuki nuzzles the palm of Buzen's hand, thinks about how warm it is, and how little Buzen would hesitate if he tried keeping him like that again, and how that too, is a comfort.]
...I don't know how long it would have lasted anyway.
[though at the time, itsuki definitely meant it to last forever?]
There's usually always a way out for the dreamer. That's the deal. [...] So I guess... If anything weird ever happens to me... Like if I wake up with another tattoo and decide to try again...
[he doesn't think it'll happen but he remembers his panda bear tramp stamp era very clearly]
.... if you manage to get affected by one of the Prism's tattoos again at such a distance, I think we'd have other things we'd need to be worried about, Suki.
[THE PRISM IS TOO POWERFUL? WHAT IF JIJI DECIDES HE WANTS TO PLAY WITH IT
[he lets his thumb brush over itsuki's cheek, before placing a kiss to the other side of his face. buzen will go to lay down next to itsuki instead, just so he can comfortably look at him]
Even if I'm not really good at complicated things like that...
[A tragedy... It's not as if Buzen's wrong -- the events of today were definitely one of the worst Itsuki's ever experienced, and one he won't want to recall willingly... He curls closer, quiet for a moment, concentrating on the closeness of Buzen and how this moment is so very different from earlier.]
...I don't mind being the villain, because you make me want to be redeemed.
You make me want to be good. Better. [even if parts of him are still bad.
but they'd be worse if he'd never met Buzen,]
I wanted to save you today... And you ended up saving me instead.
[he pulls itsuki in a little closer, nestling his face against his. the touch reminds buzen that he's here, real, and still alive.]
You remind me why it's so important that I come back.
[he knows that his breaking would be difficult on others, even if he treats it flippantly. but it's harder to be so careless, when itsuki who loves him is so close]
[...It's nice to hear. And he's grateful too. That even if Itsuki can't fight by Buzen's side, back him up in the thick of battle, or be quick enough to save him from mortal danger...
He can still save him like this. By simply being here for Buzen, and not by controlling him.]
Then I always will. Even when I grow older, and when I'll have to stay behind. ...Even when I'm gone, and only a memory.
[he'd like it if Buzen always came home, regardless.]
[oh to be a spirit just like buzen.... then he could fight (maybe?) And live a nice long life with him... there are times when buzen misses his kitsune furry self...]
Hmm... It'd be nice if I could see you as soon as possible... Maybe not as a kid though....
...As a teenager? Or is that too young?
[age gap? They have one already, so maybe it's okay? ...well, it's fun thinking about it at least]
[STOP HE KNOWS HE PROBABLY WON'T he's banking on romantic instincts... soulmate-ism...
the inexplainable faith buzen has in him also makes him soft,]
When you say that I feel like I definitely can. [how strange, when he's lived a life where everyone's told him the opposite.]
I probably won't have my powers though. It wasn't originally mine, so...
[maybe that's for the best? he's never been very attached to his power, though he's grown a little fonder of it now that he uses it to help Buzen and the others.]
[Buzen meeting Kazuha... The thought makes his heart clench a little in his chest, the usual melancholy that comes from thinking of her, softened by the idea of seeing both her and Buzen again in another life... He smiles,]
...I can indulge my imagination in other ways. And if it means having a life with you and Kazuha... I'd rather see you both in real life than in my dreams.
[...
his smile turns a little wry. he's basically just said what Buzen told him when he meant to trap him in a dream? he can see the irony....]
[ - judging by the matching smile on buzen's face, he pretty much hears the same conclusion. he leans in closer again, to press his lips against itsuki's as if to seal his statement against his mouth]
Promise?
[to prefer reality over dreams, no matter how tempting the latter might seem]
[It's a seal Itsuki accepts gladly as he presses back, lips moving as he mouths the words -- I promise -- along Buzen's mouth. and if that's not certain enough, he deepens the kiss, long and lingering, finally surfacing to repeat the words out loud.]
...I promise.
[to want the Buzen in front of him, curled in blankets and still recovering from earlier hurts, than the Buzen living in a perfect, if false kind of world.]
[buzen melts into the kiss easily, returning it and letting his hold on itsuki tighten just a bit, bringing him closer still. when itsuki pulls back, buzen manages a breath of a laugh and presses another kiss to itsuki's cheek easily]
... good.
Then I'll promise too - I'll always look for you, and try to return to you.
[Itsuki lets the words soak into him, straight into his heart. It joins all the other words Buzen's said that have always managed to move him. He keeps it all locked close in his chest, so that he can look back on them and be comforted the next time he waits for Buzen, afraid for his life.
He curls closer at Buzen's prompting, comforted by his kiss, hands moving gently across Buzen's body as if making sure that he's really in one piece,]
[said with a little bit of a sigh, nestling in close to itsuki and just letting himself enjoy the touch of the person he loves so much. he can remember the fire, the smoke, the cutting taste of iron after a difficult battle....
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...He doesn't want to ask that question, and have Buzen reassure him with his understanding. He'd rather just listen to him instead, burdened with guilt -- while also cherishing this moment. That Buzen can be upset with him, that he can tell him what he wants, that he's here.]
...Should've known better.
[even in a situation where he did mean well,]
You would have never been happy, even if I tried my best.
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I like sharing dreams with you, Suki. I'm really glad for your power and how you can help people...
Just harder to manage it for longer periods like that.
[and unable to leave]
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...I don't know how long it would have lasted anyway.
[though at the time, itsuki definitely meant it to last forever?]
There's usually always a way out for the dreamer. That's the deal. [...] So I guess... If anything weird ever happens to me... Like if I wake up with another tattoo and decide to try again...
[he doesn't think it'll happen but he remembers his panda bear tramp stamp era very clearly]
You can still wake up.
[1/2]
[THE PRISM IS TOO POWERFUL? WHAT IF JIJI DECIDES HE WANTS TO PLAY WITH IT
AWFUL]
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[he lets his thumb brush over itsuki's cheek, before placing a kiss to the other side of his face. buzen will go to lay down next to itsuki instead, just so he can comfortably look at him]
Even if I'm not really good at complicated things like that...
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itsuki, earlier: i can't sleep
itsuki, now: slipping closer once Buzen lies down next to him, sneepy... he puts a hand on buzen's chest]
...I believe in you. [good or not, he thinks Buzen will always find his way out.] If you follow your heart, then it'll lead you back to the Gous.
You know, like in the stories. I guess that would make me the wicked witch then...
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I think you're a little too eager to make yourself the villain, Suki...
It'd be more like when the hero of the story gets affected by a curse, or is reacting to a tragedy, right?
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...I don't mind being the villain, because you make me want to be redeemed.
You make me want to be good. Better. [even if parts of him are still bad.
but they'd be worse if he'd never met Buzen,]
I wanted to save you today... And you ended up saving me instead.
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[he pulls itsuki in a little closer, nestling his face against his. the touch reminds buzen that he's here, real, and still alive.]
You remind me why it's so important that I come back.
[he knows that his breaking would be difficult on others, even if he treats it flippantly. but it's harder to be so careless, when itsuki who loves him is so close]
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He can still save him like this. By simply being here for Buzen, and not by controlling him.]
Then I always will. Even when I grow older, and when I'll have to stay behind. ...Even when I'm gone, and only a memory.
[he'd like it if Buzen always came home, regardless.]
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[if in those years even after itsuki is gone, buzen knows he won't be able to be careless. it's such a fortunate thing, to be loved this way.]
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That's right. I'll find a way to scold you even in the afterlife. I think I'd be really good at being a ghost...
[he already clings onto buzen while alive?]
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[amused... but he just shakes his head at that, kissing itsuki's cheek]
... well, at least until it's time for your soul to be born again. Then I'll just go to find you.
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Hmm... It'd be nice if I could see you as soon as possible... Maybe not as a kid though....
...As a teenager? Or is that too young?
[age gap? They have one already, so maybe it's okay? ...well, it's fun thinking about it at least]
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[but as a teenager... hmm...]
... you've said you want to go to school, right? I think I wouldn't want to distract you until you're done with that.
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I -- guess... [RELUCTANT?] I wonder how long it'd take... Maybe I'll be a genius and graduate early?
[going to school just so u can meet ur future hubby? itsuki can do that sure]
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I think you could do anything you put your mind to, Suki.
[he won't mention that itsuki probably won't remember him in the new life,
so he can take his time if he wants!]
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the inexplainable faith buzen has in him also makes him soft,]
When you say that I feel like I definitely can. [how strange, when he's lived a life where everyone's told him the opposite.]
I probably won't have my powers though. It wasn't originally mine, so...
[maybe that's for the best? he's never been very attached to his power, though he's grown a little fonder of it now that he uses it to help Buzen and the others.]
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[what a funny thing, to think of the possibilities ahead of them. but buzen just smiles faintly]
Do you think you'll miss it? Having your powers?
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...I can indulge my imagination in other ways. And if it means having a life with you and Kazuha... I'd rather see you both in real life than in my dreams.
[...
his smile turns a little wry. he's basically just said what Buzen told him when he meant to trap him in a dream? he can see the irony....]
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[ - judging by the matching smile on buzen's face, he pretty much hears the same conclusion. he leans in closer again, to press his lips against itsuki's as if to seal his statement against his mouth]
Promise?
[to prefer reality over dreams, no matter how tempting the latter might seem]
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...I promise.
[to want the Buzen in front of him, curled in blankets and still recovering from earlier hurts, than the Buzen living in a perfect, if false kind of world.]
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... good.
Then I'll promise too - I'll always look for you, and try to return to you.
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He curls closer at Buzen's prompting, comforted by his kiss, hands moving gently across Buzen's body as if making sure that he's really in one piece,]
...How do you feel?
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[said with a little bit of a sigh, nestling in close to itsuki and just letting himself enjoy the touch of the person he loves so much. he can remember the fire, the smoke, the cutting taste of iron after a difficult battle....
it just feels further away right now]
Guess I'll have to train even harder.
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