after all they'd talked about, about avoiding situations where this would be a possibility, after all that leo swore that he wouldn't pick up and run off— well, that might be happening anyway? circumstances where suou would have to miss him, miss them all, where everything was kind of split apart with no fault of their own.
that was life, right...?
his thumb dusts absently, back and forth gently, at tsukasa's knuckles. his heart thumps in his ears in a way it hasn't really done, not in a while — but he continues to force himself level regardless.
except he can't. his chest is tight, and the selfish, reckless words he wants to say are spilling from his mouth so easily, because if this is what happens then isn't "honest" what he should be? ]
I know. [ just the thought is enough. ] Hey. I'd miss you too, you know? You're just talking about it, and a part of me is kinda missing you already...?
[ maybe that's silly. but he gets it—the hesitation tsukasa feels, the emotions choking him up.
leo doesn't think that the spark in his chest'd die just because the source of it went far away. he just kind of felt like he found something he wasn't even aware he was waiting for. then again, having found something like that... wouldn't it make more sense to disregard everything else and fight for it?
yet he knows tsukasa — knows his sense of loyalty and responsibility runs deeper than anyone else.
he pauses. it's not hesitation that stops him, but— consideration. organization. wondering what should be said when, but in the end decides to just let everything go, to say what comes when it comes. ]
But it's not like I'd leave or anything if... if you have to go. Don't think just because you're not here physically it's the end of everything here, yeah? I'm the King, so I can definitely say that no matter what — you're always a part of Knights. And me, you know I'm definitely too stubborn to let go of someone who makes my heart beat like this.
[ he's learned.
he came back and grasped what he left and he's never letting go again. even a long, long distance wouldn't stop that; he wouldn't let it.
if tsukasa would let him, it's selfish, but he'd even fight too. ]
It's not something that he's in denial about - he's well aware that he has a tendency to be ambitious to the point of being self-centered, even though he does his best to take notice of how his actions affect the lives of others as well. It's just a matter of fact that Tsukasa will take the things that are offered to him, will seize opportunities and endlessly acclimate good things for himself.
But is he selfish enough to accept this from Leo?
He's not prone to crying over the actions of others - his own inadequacy could at times become too much for him, but he didn't think he'd ever actually shed tears over something that Leo said to him and -
he was wrong.
Tears fill his eyes to the rim without his permission, his throat closing up even as the expression on his face can only be seen as surprise.]
Leader, I... You can't - We can't.....!
[Leo has always amazed Tsukasa, infuriated him too, but always amazed. Always been made up of the stuff of stars and infinities and possibility - even when Tsukasa couldn't understand. Tsukasa's feet have always been right on the ground, too planted to reality.
Which is why this stings.]
You don't get to just... dangle that in front of me - it's not going to work that way.... It's not!
[even if it'll hurt at first, even if tsukasa is pretty sure that he'll never be able to forget someone as impossible and amazing and infuriating and truly exceptional as Leo - he can't be this selfish and idealistic.
he can't believe that Leo would truly wait for him when he might not ever come back
and even if he let himself believe it, it would be too cruel to want it]
[ tsukasa's crying, understandably, and that makes leo want to cry even less. not because it doesn't hurt, because god, of course it hurts, of course seeing anyone under his flag distressed, hurt, even worse when that person is tsukasa, who he likes and loves and loves—
—but rather it makes him want to cry less because the course of action doesn't seem entirely odd to him, doesn't seem unlikely, doesn't seem so outlandish, that it's asking for too much. if that's what the outcome ended up being, if that's what's necessary that's, simply, what he would do.
he'd already lived too long in the consequences of letting things go too easily; he already drowned in what-ifs and i-shouldn't-haves and he doesn't want to do that again.
maybe it wouldn't work out. maybe the dream was a little too out of touch with reality, but it isn't as if leo wouldn't try. so instead of allowing tsukasa's rejection to affect him, he squeezes their interlocked hands, and then he moves. a hand goes up to wipe away any tears that might fall, but really, he just wants to look at tsukasa's face, bring him a little closer. ]
Who says it's not?
[ it's straight to the point—leo's own rejection of whatever plans tsukasa had for a worst-case scenario, whatever reality he'd drawn up.
despite the exasperation was voiced in his direction, or complaints that made themselves known with no degree of subtlety (it's not like leo is subtle on his own, either—they both are far too honest), leo's aware that his own well-being was always something on suou's mind. here, well—that's no exception. ]
"I can't"? Like I said, I'm the King. Telling me what I can or can't do is definitely out of your league.
[ again, that blunt honesty. he doesn't mean it cruelly, but. but he means to show that he's not backing out of this, that tsukasa can just save his breath. ]
Whatever you wanna do to make what you're dealt better, Suo, that's up to you—but if it's me holding you back, forget about that! [ .... ] I've had lots of people waiting for me already. What goes around comes around, and...
[ no more knights waiting for their king;
just a king waiting for a knight, his knight, if he had to. ]
Well, this's still all if, of course... I'm just saying, maybe it's just my time now.
[ and it'd be worth it, just for the possibility that they could meet again like this. ]
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no subject
after all they'd talked about, about avoiding situations where this would be a possibility, after all that leo swore that he wouldn't pick up and run off— well, that might be happening anyway? circumstances where suou would have to miss him, miss them all, where everything was kind of split apart with no fault of their own.
that was life, right...?
his thumb dusts absently, back and forth gently, at tsukasa's knuckles. his heart thumps in his ears in a way it hasn't really done, not in a while — but he continues to force himself level regardless.
except he can't. his chest is tight, and the selfish, reckless words he wants to say are spilling from his mouth so easily, because if this is what happens then isn't "honest" what he should be? ]
I know. [ just the thought is enough. ] Hey. I'd miss you too, you know? You're just talking about it, and a part of me is kinda missing you already...?
[ maybe that's silly. but he gets it—the hesitation tsukasa feels, the emotions choking him up.
leo doesn't think that the spark in his chest'd die just because the source of it went far away. he just kind of felt like he found something he wasn't even aware he was waiting for. then again, having found something like that... wouldn't it make more sense to disregard everything else and fight for it?
yet he knows tsukasa — knows his sense of loyalty and responsibility runs deeper than anyone else.
he pauses. it's not hesitation that stops him, but— consideration. organization. wondering what should be said when, but in the end decides to just let everything go, to say what comes when it comes. ]
But it's not like I'd leave or anything if... if you have to go. Don't think just because you're not here physically it's the end of everything here, yeah? I'm the King, so I can definitely say that no matter what — you're always a part of Knights. And me, you know I'm definitely too stubborn to let go of someone who makes my heart beat like this.
[ he's learned.
he came back and grasped what he left and he's never letting go again. even a long, long distance wouldn't stop that; he wouldn't let it.
if tsukasa would let him, it's selfish, but he'd even fight too. ]
no subject
It's not something that he's in denial about - he's well aware that he has a tendency to be ambitious to the point of being self-centered, even though he does his best to take notice of how his actions affect the lives of others as well. It's just a matter of fact that Tsukasa will take the things that are offered to him, will seize opportunities and endlessly acclimate good things for himself.
But is he selfish enough to accept this from Leo?
He's not prone to crying over the actions of others - his own inadequacy could at times become too much for him, but he didn't think he'd ever actually shed tears over something that Leo said to him and -
he was wrong.
Tears fill his eyes to the rim without his permission, his throat closing up even as the expression on his face can only be seen as surprise.]
Leader, I... You can't - We can't.....!
[Leo has always amazed Tsukasa, infuriated him too, but always amazed. Always been made up of the stuff of stars and infinities and possibility - even when Tsukasa couldn't understand. Tsukasa's feet have always been right on the ground, too planted to reality.
Which is why this stings.]
You don't get to just... dangle that in front of me - it's not going to work that way.... It's not!
[even if it'll hurt at first, even if tsukasa is pretty sure that he'll never be able to forget someone as impossible and amazing and infuriating and truly exceptional as Leo - he can't be this selfish and idealistic.
he can't believe that Leo would truly wait for him when he might not ever come back
and even if he let himself believe it, it would be too cruel to want it]
no subject
—but rather it makes him want to cry less because the course of action doesn't seem entirely odd to him, doesn't seem unlikely, doesn't seem so outlandish, that it's asking for too much. if that's what the outcome ended up being, if that's what's necessary that's, simply, what he would do.
he'd already lived too long in the consequences of letting things go too easily; he already drowned in what-ifs and i-shouldn't-haves and he doesn't want to do that again.
maybe it wouldn't work out. maybe the dream was a little too out of touch with reality, but it isn't as if leo wouldn't try. so instead of allowing tsukasa's rejection to affect him, he squeezes their interlocked hands, and then he moves. a hand goes up to wipe away any tears that might fall, but really, he just wants to look at tsukasa's face, bring him a little closer. ]
Who says it's not?
[ it's straight to the point—leo's own rejection of whatever plans tsukasa had for a worst-case scenario, whatever reality he'd drawn up.
despite the exasperation was voiced in his direction, or complaints that made themselves known with no degree of subtlety (it's not like leo is subtle on his own, either—they both are far too honest), leo's aware that his own well-being was always something on suou's mind. here, well—that's no exception. ]
"I can't"? Like I said, I'm the King. Telling me what I can or can't do is definitely out of your league.
[ again, that blunt honesty. he doesn't mean it cruelly, but. but he means to show that he's not backing out of this, that tsukasa can just save his breath. ]
Whatever you wanna do to make what you're dealt better, Suo, that's up to you—but if it's me holding you back, forget about that! [ .... ] I've had lots of people waiting for me already. What goes around comes around, and...
[ no more knights waiting for their king;
just a king waiting for a knight, his knight, if he had to. ]
Well, this's still all if, of course... I'm just saying, maybe it's just my time now.
[ and it'd be worth it, just for the possibility that they could meet again like this. ]