It's not something that he's in denial about - he's well aware that he has a tendency to be ambitious to the point of being self-centered, even though he does his best to take notice of how his actions affect the lives of others as well. It's just a matter of fact that Tsukasa will take the things that are offered to him, will seize opportunities and endlessly acclimate good things for himself.
But is he selfish enough to accept this from Leo?
He's not prone to crying over the actions of others - his own inadequacy could at times become too much for him, but he didn't think he'd ever actually shed tears over something that Leo said to him and -
he was wrong.
Tears fill his eyes to the rim without his permission, his throat closing up even as the expression on his face can only be seen as surprise.]
Leader, I... You can't - We can't.....!
[Leo has always amazed Tsukasa, infuriated him too, but always amazed. Always been made up of the stuff of stars and infinities and possibility - even when Tsukasa couldn't understand. Tsukasa's feet have always been right on the ground, too planted to reality.
Which is why this stings.]
You don't get to just... dangle that in front of me - it's not going to work that way.... It's not!
[even if it'll hurt at first, even if tsukasa is pretty sure that he'll never be able to forget someone as impossible and amazing and infuriating and truly exceptional as Leo - he can't be this selfish and idealistic.
he can't believe that Leo would truly wait for him when he might not ever come back
and even if he let himself believe it, it would be too cruel to want it]
[ tsukasa's crying, understandably, and that makes leo want to cry even less. not because it doesn't hurt, because god, of course it hurts, of course seeing anyone under his flag distressed, hurt, even worse when that person is tsukasa, who he likes and loves and loves—
—but rather it makes him want to cry less because the course of action doesn't seem entirely odd to him, doesn't seem unlikely, doesn't seem so outlandish, that it's asking for too much. if that's what the outcome ended up being, if that's what's necessary that's, simply, what he would do.
he'd already lived too long in the consequences of letting things go too easily; he already drowned in what-ifs and i-shouldn't-haves and he doesn't want to do that again.
maybe it wouldn't work out. maybe the dream was a little too out of touch with reality, but it isn't as if leo wouldn't try. so instead of allowing tsukasa's rejection to affect him, he squeezes their interlocked hands, and then he moves. a hand goes up to wipe away any tears that might fall, but really, he just wants to look at tsukasa's face, bring him a little closer. ]
Who says it's not?
[ it's straight to the point—leo's own rejection of whatever plans tsukasa had for a worst-case scenario, whatever reality he'd drawn up.
despite the exasperation was voiced in his direction, or complaints that made themselves known with no degree of subtlety (it's not like leo is subtle on his own, either—they both are far too honest), leo's aware that his own well-being was always something on suou's mind. here, well—that's no exception. ]
"I can't"? Like I said, I'm the King. Telling me what I can or can't do is definitely out of your league.
[ again, that blunt honesty. he doesn't mean it cruelly, but. but he means to show that he's not backing out of this, that tsukasa can just save his breath. ]
Whatever you wanna do to make what you're dealt better, Suo, that's up to you—but if it's me holding you back, forget about that! [ .... ] I've had lots of people waiting for me already. What goes around comes around, and...
[ no more knights waiting for their king;
just a king waiting for a knight, his knight, if he had to. ]
Well, this's still all if, of course... I'm just saying, maybe it's just my time now.
[ and it'd be worth it, just for the possibility that they could meet again like this. ]
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It's not something that he's in denial about - he's well aware that he has a tendency to be ambitious to the point of being self-centered, even though he does his best to take notice of how his actions affect the lives of others as well. It's just a matter of fact that Tsukasa will take the things that are offered to him, will seize opportunities and endlessly acclimate good things for himself.
But is he selfish enough to accept this from Leo?
He's not prone to crying over the actions of others - his own inadequacy could at times become too much for him, but he didn't think he'd ever actually shed tears over something that Leo said to him and -
he was wrong.
Tears fill his eyes to the rim without his permission, his throat closing up even as the expression on his face can only be seen as surprise.]
Leader, I... You can't - We can't.....!
[Leo has always amazed Tsukasa, infuriated him too, but always amazed. Always been made up of the stuff of stars and infinities and possibility - even when Tsukasa couldn't understand. Tsukasa's feet have always been right on the ground, too planted to reality.
Which is why this stings.]
You don't get to just... dangle that in front of me - it's not going to work that way.... It's not!
[even if it'll hurt at first, even if tsukasa is pretty sure that he'll never be able to forget someone as impossible and amazing and infuriating and truly exceptional as Leo - he can't be this selfish and idealistic.
he can't believe that Leo would truly wait for him when he might not ever come back
and even if he let himself believe it, it would be too cruel to want it]
no subject
—but rather it makes him want to cry less because the course of action doesn't seem entirely odd to him, doesn't seem unlikely, doesn't seem so outlandish, that it's asking for too much. if that's what the outcome ended up being, if that's what's necessary that's, simply, what he would do.
he'd already lived too long in the consequences of letting things go too easily; he already drowned in what-ifs and i-shouldn't-haves and he doesn't want to do that again.
maybe it wouldn't work out. maybe the dream was a little too out of touch with reality, but it isn't as if leo wouldn't try. so instead of allowing tsukasa's rejection to affect him, he squeezes their interlocked hands, and then he moves. a hand goes up to wipe away any tears that might fall, but really, he just wants to look at tsukasa's face, bring him a little closer. ]
Who says it's not?
[ it's straight to the point—leo's own rejection of whatever plans tsukasa had for a worst-case scenario, whatever reality he'd drawn up.
despite the exasperation was voiced in his direction, or complaints that made themselves known with no degree of subtlety (it's not like leo is subtle on his own, either—they both are far too honest), leo's aware that his own well-being was always something on suou's mind. here, well—that's no exception. ]
"I can't"? Like I said, I'm the King. Telling me what I can or can't do is definitely out of your league.
[ again, that blunt honesty. he doesn't mean it cruelly, but. but he means to show that he's not backing out of this, that tsukasa can just save his breath. ]
Whatever you wanna do to make what you're dealt better, Suo, that's up to you—but if it's me holding you back, forget about that! [ .... ] I've had lots of people waiting for me already. What goes around comes around, and...
[ no more knights waiting for their king;
just a king waiting for a knight, his knight, if he had to. ]
Well, this's still all if, of course... I'm just saying, maybe it's just my time now.
[ and it'd be worth it, just for the possibility that they could meet again like this. ]