[It's not a sentiment he's surprised to hear, considering how Buzen -- who always tries to give Itsuki everything -- held out for so long for this. He hums a little,]
Yes and no.
Yes, because I always want to be near you. And no, because... I think that's love too. When you don't want someone near because you don't want to hurt them.
[he wonders if buzen will find that hard to understand -- when buzen has always wanted to protect others with his own power, and with his own presence.]
So it makes me happy, because you're trying to keep me safe.
[ . . . . he nods a little bit at that because - it's closer. buzen will always be there to help people through their darkest hours, but... there is still some sense that itsuki doesn't belong in a battlefield. not truly. it's not his fight. it's not like matsui, who was always meant to be here and needed help getting through it.
if there are choices that can be made to spare itsuki, buzen wants to make them. as they walk through the remains of the castle - buzen will shift, pulling itsuki along closer to the sea instead. some of the sand is still stained with blood - soldiers marched through here, too - but.
it is quiet.]
.... it wasn't always like this. We were on this mission for a few months. Parts of it... I still didn't like, because it required - lying to people. Everyone that was gathered here was because of us, because they needed to die. It was like luring them to their end.
[ . . . ]
But we shared food with them, what little we had. We played with the kids, and sang songs. Even if it makes the ending of it... sadder...
[he squeezes itsuki's hand]
... those parts, I think I'd allow you to be close for. Just - nothing where it can be too close to losing you.
[The massacre was terrible to behold, but the context behind it? Having to hear that Buzen and the others were required to be present at every point of this tragedy? That they had to live through it too?
Is that why swords were given human hearts? Would their aruji ever answer Itsuki if he asked? He feels restless, and for a brief moment he looks upset,
though he lets himself relax when Buzen squeezes his hand.]
...Mm, okay. I can do that.
[he'd never really expected to stay with Buzen on the actual battlefield. He hadn't done so back in the prism, and that had been when Buzen and the others were less themselves -- maybe closer to humans. What chance would Itsuki have now that they're back to their normal selves?
...But when it comes to the parts Buzen will allow -- those feel even sadder. Those feel like parts of a mission that Itsuki would like to share with him,]
...What happened after it all ended? Do you know?
[were they buried? seen to? or was this just a footnote? a warning -- for all those who'll come after]
anyway buzen will just look out at the ocean as he thinks about it. what did come after?]
.... I don't know the details. We - left pretty quickly after. When everyone else left just now... I went with them - I had to watch Matsu.
[who was still so anguished, moments after crying his heart out. buzen frowns at the memory.]
... life went on, which is what is meant to happen. If we don't follow our missions... the world can become corrupted. Our bodies too - if we deviate from history. But... we have to allow things like this to happen, for the sake of the future.
They're on the shore now, walking along the sand -- still stained red. Itsuki's heard a little bit about those consequences thanks to that adventure the others went on, but...]
When you say corrupted... what does that mean exactly?
.... if the world deviates too much from history, the timeline gets abandoned. All the humans... they change, they want to kill everything and everyone. There's no saving them. So they'll keep destroying everything until there's nothing left in the world... and humanity is wiped out.
When we first arrived in the Prism... when it was grey, dark, and empty - I'd thought that I had traveled to one of those abandoned worlds somehow, except there were so many people there.
But if I could make a comparison... that would be it.
[hm...... bad! wow! very bad! me realizing that this is the two month thread so itsuki might have heard a little about about abandoned worlds from the other swords, but would they talk about it with a squishy human,]
...What does that mean for swords? You said your bodies can get corrupted too...
aruji really said 'gous can go to the abandon world and pave some roads for fun' like for real aruji there's not even people there anymore why are you doing this
anyway,]
... well, we lose sight of ourselves and become a little like our enemies. They're the ones who want to change history, after all.
So there wouldn't be much different anymore - between us and them - if we lost sight of our mission.
Itsuki's silent because for a moment he's like 'wait if corrupted swords are like historical revisionists then is the enemy just swords and if so did the baruji fcking start all of this on his own or did someone else just randomly start summoning swords to change history hello'
this is probably the most thinking itsuki's done since he's been in the prism, it's a little dizzying, getting lost in the circle of his thoughts.
he's never cared to think too hard about his own situation. but when it involves the people he loves... he squeezes Buzen's hand, as if comforting himself that he's here with him, both asleep and awake.]
...I knew that it was serious, but I... understand a little better now. ...Thank you.
[buzen takes a breath then, as if centering himself. it's hard, when shimabara was - difficult. he was steady throughout it, focused on everyone else, but it took its own type of toll on him.
he knows just how hard this history is.]
You're welcome.
The mission comes before everything else to me... but I want to do what I can to help you understand it too.
[Slowly, but steadily, the pieces fall into place. The naked fear on Buzen's face, his confusion, the words 'don't make me choose between my mission or you'.
...for buzen, the nightmare is more than just shimabara.
He looks at their joined hands.]
I won't do anything that will compromise your existence.
[a corrupted world sounds terrible, but a changed buzen sounds worse.]
So if that means preserving history by watching what you and the others do, without interfering... then that's what I'll do.
[ . . . it's funny - because to buzen, his singular corrupted existence would be fine to endure if it means saving some people. but what he can't allow is for allowing an entire timeline to fall to ruin for one person.
not even itsuki.
he gives itsuki's hand a squeeze and shuts his eyes]
.... okay. Then, as long as we can promise that... then it should be okay.
[Itsuki steps close when Buzen shuts his eyes, just close enough.
He doesn't say anything, but Buzen will feel something velvety touching his face -- and when he opens his eyes, he'll see a white chrysanthemum in Itsuki's hand.
[ . . . buzen will take the flower then, thoughtfully, turning it over in his hands. even in the dream, the blood on his glove lightly stains against the stem of the chrysanthemum.]
... it's hard to say if I know how.
[softly]
... I'm pretty used to it. Knowing I'll say goodbye to almost every human from the start.
[it was only his time in the Prism that interrupted that type of thinking - that made buzen wonder if he could hold onto some people just a little longer]
[seeing it coming... but that's not the goodbye he should be focusing on, not when he's on this shore, by this sea.
The breeze around them picks up, ruffling their hair, clothes, buzen's red flag trailing in the wind. Itsuki holds up another chrysanthemum, watching it sway to and fro in his grip.]
Shall we say goodbye to them together?
[his hand opens, and the breeze sweeps the flower up, up, up, and towards the sea.]
[ . . . hm. buzen will let his own chrysanthemum go, watching it follow along the breeze to trail after itsuki's until they're both carried out by the ocean.
gently, he pulls itsuki closer to him with their joined hands.]
Don't be scared.
Just because we say goodbye doesn't mean we can't say hello again another time.
[maybe he can borrow some of buzen's boundless confidence, and his acceptance of what might come to pass. itsuki links his other hand with buzen's, so he can hold them both.
[itsuki his other hand is bloody - though buzen supposes at this point itsuki can't particularly mind. he just huffs a little bit at that, amused, before nodding.]
Mm.
Are we going to wake up? Or are you going to show me something else?
he's pretty sure itsuki asked him this question before, and the funny thing is that he really doesn't think that his answer's changed at all. he smiles and tilts his head]
Anything's fine - I'd just like to stay with you.
[so they can be together when they're sleeping, and awake]
[It's the same thing he said before, and it has the same effect on Itsuki now. The smile he shines on Buzen is warm and fond.
He thinks about all the fantastical sights he could show Buzen -- underwater palaces, grand mountain ranges -- safaris and great, sweeping valleys with wild horses (fast things itsuki knows buzen would appreciate) -- fireworks at night, imaginary ball rooms...
...]
Let me show you a memory in return.
[a wave of petals descends from the sky, swirling around them as the wind picks up again -- the blood fades away from their hands and clothes, the sand beneath their feet turns into familiar tatami -- and then dissipates to reveal a bright, airy room. it's a room meant to entertain guests, loud and garish, but it looks softer in the morning light. a large phonograph sits on one of the low tables, standing out among the rest of the traditional decor.
the sound of hurried footsteps echo from outside the hall, and Itsuki tugs Buzen away from the door, laughing a little when it slides open to reveal children -- a young girl and boy. the girl tugs the boy after her, and they both make straight for the phonograph, neither noticing Itsuki or Buzen.
I told you it was still here. The girl proudly announces, as they both stand in front of it. The boy frowns, and with a voice of half-curiosity, half-doubt. This is supposed to play music...? How?
They both stare it and then look at each other, the similarities between them obvious. The boy looks at the girl's face, and his expression turns wry at what he finds there. Aneue...
She huffs in response. Shut up, Itsuki. It can't be that hard... Hurry up and help me. Itsuki grumbles, but he leans over to study the machine, shoulder to shoulder with Kazuha. The plainness of his clothes contrasts with the finery of her red kimono, but everything else about them is identical.
Itsuki, grown-up Itsuki, hovers his hand over the boy, and then lifts it to his own head.]
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no subject
Yes and no.
Yes, because I always want to be near you. And no, because... I think that's love too. When you don't want someone near because you don't want to hurt them.
[he wonders if buzen will find that hard to understand -- when buzen has always wanted to protect others with his own power, and with his own presence.]
So it makes me happy, because you're trying to keep me safe.
no subject
if there are choices that can be made to spare itsuki, buzen wants to make them. as they walk through the remains of the castle - buzen will shift, pulling itsuki along closer to the sea instead. some of the sand is still stained with blood - soldiers marched through here, too - but.
it is quiet.]
.... it wasn't always like this. We were on this mission for a few months. Parts of it... I still didn't like, because it required - lying to people. Everyone that was gathered here was because of us, because they needed to die. It was like luring them to their end.
[ . . . ]
But we shared food with them, what little we had. We played with the kids, and sang songs. Even if it makes the ending of it... sadder...
[he squeezes itsuki's hand]
... those parts, I think I'd allow you to be close for. Just - nothing where it can be too close to losing you.
no subject
Is that why swords were given human hearts? Would their aruji ever answer Itsuki if he asked? He feels restless, and for a brief moment he looks upset,
though he lets himself relax when Buzen squeezes his hand.]
...Mm, okay. I can do that.
[he'd never really expected to stay with Buzen on the actual battlefield. He hadn't done so back in the prism, and that had been when Buzen and the others were less themselves -- maybe closer to humans. What chance would Itsuki have now that they're back to their normal selves?
...But when it comes to the parts Buzen will allow -- those feel even sadder. Those feel like parts of a mission that Itsuki would like to share with him,]
...What happened after it all ended? Do you know?
[were they buried? seen to? or was this just a footnote? a warning -- for all those who'll come after]
no subject
anyway buzen will just look out at the ocean as he thinks about it. what did come after?]
.... I don't know the details. We - left pretty quickly after. When everyone else left just now... I went with them - I had to watch Matsu.
[who was still so anguished, moments after crying his heart out. buzen frowns at the memory.]
... life went on, which is what is meant to happen. If we don't follow our missions... the world can become corrupted. Our bodies too - if we deviate from history. But... we have to allow things like this to happen, for the sake of the future.
no subject
They're on the shore now, walking along the sand -- still stained red. Itsuki's heard a little bit about those consequences thanks to that adventure the others went on, but...]
When you say corrupted... what does that mean exactly?
no subject
.... if the world deviates too much from history, the timeline gets abandoned. All the humans... they change, they want to kill everything and everyone. There's no saving them. So they'll keep destroying everything until there's nothing left in the world... and humanity is wiped out.
When we first arrived in the Prism... when it was grey, dark, and empty - I'd thought that I had traveled to one of those abandoned worlds somehow, except there were so many people there.
But if I could make a comparison... that would be it.
no subject
...What does that mean for swords? You said your bodies can get corrupted too...
no subject
aruji really said 'gous can go to the abandon world and pave some roads for fun' like for real aruji there's not even people there anymore why are you doing this
anyway,]
... well, we lose sight of ourselves and become a little like our enemies. They're the ones who want to change history, after all.
So there wouldn't be much different anymore - between us and them - if we lost sight of our mission.
no subject
Itsuki's silent because for a moment he's like 'wait if corrupted swords are like historical revisionists then is the enemy just swords and if so did the baruji fcking start all of this on his own or did someone else just randomly start summoning swords to change history hello'
this is probably the most thinking itsuki's done since he's been in the prism, it's a little dizzying, getting lost in the circle of his thoughts.
he's never cared to think too hard about his own situation. but when it involves the people he loves... he squeezes Buzen's hand, as if comforting himself that he's here with him, both asleep and awake.]
...I knew that it was serious, but I... understand a little better now. ...Thank you.
no subject
[buzen takes a breath then, as if centering himself. it's hard, when shimabara was - difficult. he was steady throughout it, focused on everyone else, but it took its own type of toll on him.
he knows just how hard this history is.]
You're welcome.
The mission comes before everything else to me... but I want to do what I can to help you understand it too.
no subject
...for buzen, the nightmare is more than just shimabara.
He looks at their joined hands.]
I won't do anything that will compromise your existence.
[a corrupted world sounds terrible, but a changed buzen sounds worse.]
So if that means preserving history by watching what you and the others do, without interfering... then that's what I'll do.
no subject
not even itsuki.
he gives itsuki's hand a squeeze and shuts his eyes]
.... okay. Then, as long as we can promise that... then it should be okay.
no subject
He doesn't say anything, but Buzen will feel something velvety touching his face -- and when he opens his eyes, he'll see a white chrysanthemum in Itsuki's hand.
flower bop]
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bop?
buzen blinks even as he sees the flower, and then just tilts his head gently]
... flower?
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I won't ever try to change history.
[the history that buzen and his comrades have sworn to protect,]
But this is a dream. Whatever happens here -- it'll only ever exist in our minds.
[he holds out the chrysanthemum, gesturing for buzen to take it]
You said you left after, right? ...Maybe this time you can stay a little... and say goodbye.
no subject
... it's hard to say if I know how.
[softly]
... I'm pretty used to it. Knowing I'll say goodbye to almost every human from the start.
[it was only his time in the Prism that interrupted that type of thinking - that made buzen wonder if he could hold onto some people just a little longer]
no subject
[Itsuki can't even imagine saying goodbye to one. He'd come to care for so many at the prism, and he'll never regret those meetings.
But he might come to regret the pain -- of not seeing them again. Especially for those who are already gone.]
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buzen tilts his head at the question.]
... No.
[he's gentle though, as he lets his thumb brush over the back of itsuki's hand]
You're the first person I've ever thought that I'd get to keep for even a little longer.
[and yet
even that is not forever.]
It's a little hard for me to be afraid of something that I always see coming.
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[seeing it coming... but that's not the goodbye he should be focusing on, not when he's on this shore, by this sea.
The breeze around them picks up, ruffling their hair, clothes, buzen's red flag trailing in the wind. Itsuki holds up another chrysanthemum, watching it sway to and fro in his grip.]
Shall we say goodbye to them together?
[his hand opens, and the breeze sweeps the flower up, up, up, and towards the sea.]
no subject
gently, he pulls itsuki closer to him with their joined hands.]
Don't be scared.
Just because we say goodbye doesn't mean we can't say hello again another time.
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...I'd like to believe that, since it's you.
[maybe he can borrow some of buzen's boundless confidence, and his acceptance of what might come to pass. itsuki links his other hand with buzen's, so he can hold them both.
speaking of goodbyes...]
Are you ready to go?
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Mm.
Are we going to wake up? Or are you going to show me something else?
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Itsuki squeezes his hands. He can't take away what Shimabara means to Buzen, but maybe he can lessen its effect... for at least one night.]
Hmm... what would you like to see? I can take us anywhere, and we can do anything. There's still some time left before morning.
[the possibilities are endless.... itsuki about to put them in a fairy tale au]
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he's pretty sure itsuki asked him this question before, and the funny thing is that he really doesn't think that his answer's changed at all. he smiles and tilts his head]
Anything's fine - I'd just like to stay with you.
[so they can be together when they're sleeping, and awake]
no subject
He thinks about all the fantastical sights he could show Buzen -- underwater palaces, grand mountain ranges -- safaris and great, sweeping valleys with wild horses (fast things itsuki knows buzen would appreciate) -- fireworks at night, imaginary ball rooms...
...]
Let me show you a memory in return.
[a wave of petals descends from the sky, swirling around them as the wind picks up again -- the blood fades away from their hands and clothes, the sand beneath their feet turns into familiar tatami -- and then dissipates to reveal a bright, airy room. it's a room meant to entertain guests, loud and garish, but it looks softer in the morning light. a large phonograph sits on one of the low tables, standing out among the rest of the traditional decor.
the sound of hurried footsteps echo from outside the hall, and Itsuki tugs Buzen away from the door, laughing a little when it slides open to reveal children -- a young girl and boy. the girl tugs the boy after her, and they both make straight for the phonograph, neither noticing Itsuki or Buzen.
I told you it was still here. The girl proudly announces, as they both stand in front of it. The boy frowns, and with a voice of half-curiosity, half-doubt. This is supposed to play music...? How?
They both stare it and then look at each other, the similarities between them obvious. The boy looks at the girl's face, and his expression turns wry at what he finds there. Aneue...
She huffs in response. Shut up, Itsuki. It can't be that hard... Hurry up and help me. Itsuki grumbles, but he leans over to study the machine, shoulder to shoulder with Kazuha. The plainness of his clothes contrasts with the finery of her red kimono, but everything else about them is identical.
Itsuki, grown-up Itsuki, hovers his hand over the boy, and then lifts it to his own head.]
Hmm... I thought I was taller back then.
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