buzen will go and grab the lube from the box - i want to even pretend that he might start skimming the letters, and he might, but the more likely thing is that if itsuki wants to take a nappy after they bang then buzen will just read them then. why is he so close to illiterate.
anyway he will come back then, and drape himself on itsuki's back like he's trying to understand what's so interesting? he drops a kiss to his shoulder and hums]
Mm, yeah. I do, or Aruji does it for us if he has time... Why do you ask?
[if he started skimming right then and there then he would have seen itsuki panic so bad even though they're both naked because for some reason reading letters is more embarrassing than the act of banging,]
Yasu-kun taught me how -- back in the prism.
[he turns around so he can take Buzen by the chin and kiss him softly,]
...I asked him because I want to take care of you too. ...Can I?
[or is that something reserved for swords and masters? though even if it is... it'll just make itsuki want to take care of buzen even more,]
anyway buzen is just going to get cold at this point? so he's just. going to pick up itsuki from where he is and carry him back to the futon please can they at least have this convo under the covers]
[wow.......... itsuki's never seen buzen blush before.......................... except like 5 minutes ago during their bang............. must be nice.............]
I see.
[the way buzen is so sweetly honest and itsuki decides to respond with jealousy? THEY JUST MADE LOVE AND HIS VOICE iS SO FLAT????? HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE?? HE JUST TURNS AROUND???]
buzen can at least figure this much out - if itsuki is so jealous, and kissing is something that should normally left between lovers. the moment with wicked had felt strangely intimate, yes, even though buzen didn't think that it had necessarily felt romantic. it still feels like something that'd be easy to misunderstand....
which is why buzen just sighs a little bit - he lets itsuki turn around, but he's already immediately spooning him. he presses kisses to itsuki's neck, his shoulders, his upper back....]
Suki....
[he nuzzles against his hair gently]
It's not like that. I know you're unhappy... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
What do you want me to do? To make it clear that you're the only one I love like this?
[itsuki's upset but not only for jealous yan reasons, but because he knows he's being jealous and yan and as always, he wishes he wasn't this way. very funny because he'll always be like this no matter what,
the idea that buzen might like someone more than him doesn't even really cross his mind -- not when buzen's made it clear so many times that he loves him. it makes him feel guilty too, that buzen's trying so hard to make up for something he's not responsible for.
that buzen has to say sorry for someone else's actions... it's frustrating.
itsuki turns around so he can see his face and slide an arm around Buzen's waist,]
I'm not mad at you.
[he trails the fingers of his other hand across Buzen's face, sliding a finger down the bridge of his nose, taking him in]
...I want people to stop kissing you. Even if they don't love you as much as I do, even if it doesn't mean the same thing to them. [...] Especially if it doesn't mean the same thing to them.
I'm fine with Mete-chan -- and Shuu-kun and Yasu-kun. But anyone else... I'd like it if you didn't have to apologize for something they did.
[which he wouldn't have to do if itsuki wasn't so jealous but HERE WE ARE I GUESS]
[oh itsuki your jealousy.... though buzen can't help but think that this is probably - fair? it feels fair? to not want to have someone else kiss the person that you want to be yours....
(buzen does not feel this in the slightest. jealousy confuses him. someone could kiss itsuki in front of him and buzen would just be unhappy that itsuki wasn't asked permission first.)
so he holds still for itsuki to hold onto him and touch him, though he does turn his head ever so slightly just so that he can kiss itsuki's finger that tracing the line of his face.]
Okay.
[so easily, okay. buzen will shift so that he can hover on top of itsuki now, rolling them gently. just so that he can frame itsuki's head with his arms, leaning down to press another kiss to itsuki's mouth. one that the both of them understand so easily, full of love and affection and - hopefully, buzen thinks - romance.]
Then I won't let anyone else kiss me - only you, and the ones you allow. But even then... you're the only one I want to kiss like this, and the only one I want these kinds of kisses from.
[buzen kisses him sweetly, with what feels like romance, and for a moment itsuki can only think of how much he wants him. he wants to hold him and kiss him and know that buzen will only ever belong to him. buzen says 'i'm yours' and itsuki thinks for one wild, dark moment that he wishes he could show the whole world that.
he can feel the power in his chest, the one kazuha gave him. 'a power to grant happiness to others'. and yet. what would it be like if he could just put the entire world to sleep? if he could make them live somewhere where they could never reach buzen and him?
(...they could all still be happy, wouldn't they? they just wouldn't know.
...)
no. he doesn't want that. he'll never be the only person buzen loves, and separating him from everyone he does care for isn't the answer.
that wouldn't be loving buzen. that would be breaking him.
his lips twitch, and he puts a hand over his face -- as if hoping that the ugliness in his thoughts aren't reflected in his expression. buzen accepts everything about him -- he doesn't want that to change. (and a part of him too, is afraid that he'll accept this.)]
[if you separated buzen from his gous and put them in a dream coma buzen would simply start a boycott on kisses that wouldn't stop until they were freed from the dream that's just how it is. and then he'd continue with life as normal once itsuki is taught that he can't do that.
no putting people he loves in dream comas, like a misbehaving puppy.
that said buzen tilts his head when itsuki covers his face with his hand... and leans down to kiss the center of his palm anyway. mwah.]
... kiss? Oh - you mean...
[the sword...]
... right now?
[he says this but - he does shift his weight so that he can balance on one arm, the other already reaching out to grab his sword form..... he has nothing really against it, if it'd make itsuki feel better]
[imagine if buzen said no because he just wants to bang and itsuki started crying bc he'd think buzen was saying no to him, imagine that happened
his palm feels tingly from where buzen kissed it... itsuki thinks yet again about the claim buzen has on his heart. he should probably move to sit up to accept the sword, but he doesn't. instead he holds his hands out for the sword, still lying on the futon]
Can you help me carry it? ...I don't want to drop you.
[yea buzen got the lube for no reason at this point it's so funny]
Hah, I guess we swords can be surprisingly heavy to humans.
[even though buzen hardly feels that way. even if this form wasn't built this way, muscles and all, he wonders if it could ever feel heavy to carry himself. but he'll use his thumb to guide the sheath off, keeping it still close to the futon, but his blade will become bare between them.
his vessel, the truest form of himself.
it does feel its own kind of intimate, admittedly.]
Keep one hand by the hilt, be careful with the blade.
[just. basic advice, just in case. but he won't truly let go of himself if itsuki wants the help of getting used to the weight? imagine how bad it'd be if he accidentally cut himself on buzen's sword that'd be so sad]
anyway he'll carefully accept the sword, putting one hand on the hilt and the other on the blade, careful. imagine if he did cut himself and a knifeplay kink awoke in him
it helps that buzen's holding on too, the sword doesn't feel as heavy as he expected. maybe a little heavier, considering that he's holding it up -- fighting against gravity.
...it's so close. just a few inches lower, and it'd be hovering over his neck... he feels his pulse kick up with adrenaline, but he's not afraid. how can he be, when buzen's here? he moves his hand down the hilt a little so he can touch buzen's hand, as if the warmth will remind him that he's not alone.]
...I know you've been held before. But you're the first one I've ever held.
[itsuki took buzen's first kiss, his first moment of intimacy. (and he has the gall to get jealous) shouldn't buzen take more of itsuki's firsts too? he gently tugs the blade down until it's hovering just over his lips, and kisses it softly.]
The only one too.
[though technically he could probably carry another sword... if out of necessity, but never by choice. he shifts his head a little, leans up to kiss the blade again,]
You said that you're mine. [this time he moves the blade to the side, so he can kiss the next part,] That means I'm yours too.
[down, down, down, so he can kiss every part of the blade, his eyes fixed on buzen's]
I'm not a warrior. I don't need to be one. [he doesn't want to be anyone else, because buzen's told him he loves him] I love you, Buzen Gou. Every form of you.
[itsuki had asked for this - and yet buzen still feels like he wasn't entirely prepared. he helps itsuki for this, makes sure that the blade is balanced and isn't too heavy... but there is still something so very intimate about it. wicked has asked to hold him, and buzen had allowed it. itsuki asked now, and buzen thinks again about how it's so uncertain that he's ever been truly wielded in history. he has no distinct master to his name historically, even though he has roxana now -
but he's had itsuki as his lover for longer. itsuki has had his heart for longer.
and itsuki will probably come to realize now that buzen's blush earlier is - almost automatic. it's intimate, to have such obvious gestures of affection directed to his true vessel. it's so close to his soul - and he can feel it now, connected to his sword as he is. the impression of lips against steel, again and again. it steals his breath a little, and embarrasses him.
when itsuki is done - buzen will carefully pull his sword away and go to gently replace it in the sheath, almost like he's hiding... his face is still flushed. it takes him a second to find his words.]
.... I love you, too.
[ . . . ]
In the Prism, we weren't - totally connected to ourselves. But normally we can feel what the blades do. So that was the first time... for me... [to truly understand what it's like to have someone truly wielding him. isn't that one thing that he can give itsuki?
it's taking longer to collect himself than he'd like. he shifts again so that he can just lean down to press his mouth against itsuki's, like it'd buy him time. and also to enjoy something a little more familiar. a kiss for his blade, a kiss for his body. even.]
it's a heady combination -- the wash of pink across buzen's face, the way he's taking his time when he's normally so quick, the warmth of his lips. the fact that just earlier itsuki had thought it would never be enough, that he'd only ever take from buzen and keep taking out of desperate need, and that fact would somehow repel him. but he's not taking this time, he's just lucky enough to accept.
he's the wind, and itsuki's the ripple. but in this moment? buzen feels like the sun, and itsuki's heart is full,]
...Yeah.
[he slides his hand slowly up buzen's back, mapping out the skin, marveling at the warmth, thinking of how beautiful a blade can be -- both steel and flesh. how blessed he is that buzen chose to love him, chose him to remember him, entrusted that memory onto him. a soft murmur against his lips]
This is the only place I want to be. Next to you.
[where he can look at him and see every side of him, and treasure each expression and word,]
[there are still moments in which buzen is not certain that he exists. love has not been able to solve that - those instances where he loses track of where he is, feels a little distorted from his own body. he accepts who and what he is.
but.
feeling itsuki's hands on him, chasing after the warmth of his mouth, and the affection on his lips... it makes buzen wish just a little bit more. it would be nice, if he existed. it would be nice, if he could get to be real. then it would be all the more certain that these days would not end, and he would always find his way to itsuki, no matter what the mission may hold.
he doesn't say that, only kisses itsuki again as he laughs softly in return.]
[He hums in response, moving his hands up, up, up, until his fingers card through Buzen's hair, marveling in every sensation he's lucky enough to feel.]
I will. ...For as long as we can.
[how wonderful would it be if that could be forever? is it really so impossible a dream?
that's a question itsuki can take his time to answer, he thinks. for now... he draws Buzen back down towards him, pressing kisses on his cheeks, as if that single touch can bring back his very cutely embarrassed expression,]
I think I understand now -- why you like it when I blush.
[blush.... buzen's expression turns a little wry at that]
I don't even really understand why you blush at the things I do... [like ???? they've been dating for oh god this really isn't that long it's only been a month i started these brackets and then remembered buzen was dead for 4 weeks
anyway]
Though I can't say I dislike it.
[it's kinda funny...
he gives itsuki another kiss, before pressing another one beneath his ear, along his jaw, down his neck.... maybe he's trying to get itsuki to blush again a little now that he's thinking about it]
[shaking that buzen likes it bc he thinks it's funny and itsuki likes it bc he thinks it's so cute/makes him horny for buzen, this slut is really out here.]
There isn't really just one reason.
[itsuki is a complex bottom.......]
Sometimes, it's because I don't know how to react, or know what to do when you show me so much kindness. So it's like I'm surprised, but in a good way. [(tsuru voice) a good surprise] Other times... I get embarrassed, because I get to receive so much affection from you when I never thought I ever would.
And finally... [his voice gets a little deeper her, as he slips his hand under buzen's chin to gently guide him back to him,] I blush whenever I think about wanting you, or when you make it clear you want me.
[IT MAKES HIM HORNY i hate it here, the slut really jumps out
buzen is thoughtful when itsuki explains this to him, and a little gently amused? how strange it is to him to still think that itsuki didn't expect to receive much affection. he lets his face be guided up, and almost immediately catches itsuki's lips in a kiss as if answering a silent request for more affection.
(that is not what itsuki was asking for, but buzen is just assuming at this point)]
I want you.
[unabashedly.
one of buzen's hands traces down itsuki's body, like trying to memorize every inch to his touch.]
Are you done being jealous over Wiku now?
[he just wants to make sure their last conversation wrapped at a good place before he just showers itsuki in affection,]
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buzen will go and grab the lube from the box - i want to even pretend that he might start skimming the letters, and he might, but the more likely thing is that if itsuki wants to take a nappy after they bang then buzen will just read them then. why is he so close to illiterate.
anyway he will come back then, and drape himself on itsuki's back like he's trying to understand what's so interesting? he drops a kiss to his shoulder and hums]
Mm, yeah. I do, or Aruji does it for us if he has time... Why do you ask?
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Yasu-kun taught me how -- back in the prism.
[he turns around so he can take Buzen by the chin and kiss him softly,]
...I asked him because I want to take care of you too. ...Can I?
[or is that something reserved for swords and masters? though even if it is... it'll just make itsuki want to take care of buzen even more,]
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... well, if you want to. Maybe tomorrow then.
[they are so naked right now]
I guess I forgot that you haven't gotten a chance to hold me before... It's only been Wiku, really.
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AND YET]
...Wiku? [WIKU? WITHOUT THE -CHAN?] She held you?
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[just. yeah??????
anyway buzen is just going to get cold at this point? so he's just. going to pick up itsuki from where he is and carry him back to the futon please can they at least have this convo under the covers]
She asked.
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they're under the covers now... he cuddles close even though he's being so irrationally jealous now,]
Did she just hold you or did she take care of you?
[1/2]
but buzen has no idea what's happening here. he tilts his head even as he gives itsuki another kiss, wrapping his arms around him?]
She mostly just held me... we were talking and -
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help.
he
blushes?]
.... she kissed me, I guess....
1/2
he's.................................. blushing...........]
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I see.
[the way buzen is so sweetly honest and itsuki decides to respond with jealousy? THEY JUST MADE LOVE AND HIS VOICE iS SO FLAT????? HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ELSE?? HE JUST TURNS AROUND???]
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buzen can at least figure this much out - if itsuki is so jealous, and kissing is something that should normally left between lovers. the moment with wicked had felt strangely intimate, yes, even though buzen didn't think that it had necessarily felt romantic. it still feels like something that'd be easy to misunderstand....
which is why buzen just sighs a little bit - he lets itsuki turn around, but he's already immediately spooning him. he presses kisses to itsuki's neck, his shoulders, his upper back....]
Suki....
[he nuzzles against his hair gently]
It's not like that. I know you're unhappy... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
What do you want me to do? To make it clear that you're the only one I love like this?
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the idea that buzen might like someone more than him doesn't even really cross his mind -- not when buzen's made it clear so many times that he loves him. it makes him feel guilty too, that buzen's trying so hard to make up for something he's not responsible for.
that buzen has to say sorry for someone else's actions... it's frustrating.
itsuki turns around so he can see his face and slide an arm around Buzen's waist,]
I'm not mad at you.
[he trails the fingers of his other hand across Buzen's face, sliding a finger down the bridge of his nose, taking him in]
...I want people to stop kissing you. Even if they don't love you as much as I do, even if it doesn't mean the same thing to them. [...] Especially if it doesn't mean the same thing to them.
I'm fine with Mete-chan -- and Shuu-kun and Yasu-kun. But anyone else... I'd like it if you didn't have to apologize for something they did.
[which he wouldn't have to do if itsuki wasn't so jealous but HERE WE ARE I GUESS]
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(buzen does not feel this in the slightest. jealousy confuses him. someone could kiss itsuki in front of him and buzen would just be unhappy that itsuki wasn't asked permission first.)
so he holds still for itsuki to hold onto him and touch him, though he does turn his head ever so slightly just so that he can kiss itsuki's finger that tracing the line of his face.]
Okay.
[so easily, okay. buzen will shift so that he can hover on top of itsuki now, rolling them gently. just so that he can frame itsuki's head with his arms, leaning down to press another kiss to itsuki's mouth. one that the both of them understand so easily, full of love and affection and - hopefully, buzen thinks - romance.]
Then I won't let anyone else kiss me - only you, and the ones you allow. But even then... you're the only one I want to kiss like this, and the only one I want these kinds of kisses from.
I'm yours.
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he can feel the power in his chest, the one kazuha gave him. 'a power to grant happiness to others'. and yet. what would it be like if he could just put the entire world to sleep? if he could make them live somewhere where they could never reach buzen and him?
(...they could all still be happy, wouldn't they? they just wouldn't know.
...)
no. he doesn't want that. he'll never be the only person buzen loves, and separating him from everyone he does care for isn't the answer.
that wouldn't be loving buzen. that would be breaking him.
his lips twitch, and he puts a hand over his face -- as if hoping that the ugliness in his thoughts aren't reflected in his expression. buzen accepts everything about him -- he doesn't want that to change. (and a part of him too, is afraid that he'll accept this.)]
...Can I kiss you?
[he means
the sword
help]
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no putting people he loves in dream comas, like a misbehaving puppy.
that said buzen tilts his head when itsuki covers his face with his hand... and leans down to kiss the center of his palm anyway. mwah.]
... kiss? Oh - you mean...
[the sword...]
... right now?
[he says this but - he does shift his weight so that he can balance on one arm, the other already reaching out to grab his sword form..... he has nothing really against it, if it'd make itsuki feel better]
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his palm feels tingly from where buzen kissed it... itsuki thinks yet again about the claim buzen has on his heart. he should probably move to sit up to accept the sword, but he doesn't. instead he holds his hands out for the sword, still lying on the futon]
Can you help me carry it? ...I don't want to drop you.
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Hah, I guess we swords can be surprisingly heavy to humans.
[even though buzen hardly feels that way. even if this form wasn't built this way, muscles and all, he wonders if it could ever feel heavy to carry himself. but he'll use his thumb to guide the sheath off, keeping it still close to the futon, but his blade will become bare between them.
his vessel, the truest form of himself.
it does feel its own kind of intimate, admittedly.]
Keep one hand by the hilt, be careful with the blade.
[just. basic advice, just in case. but he won't truly let go of himself if itsuki wants the help of getting used to the weight? imagine how bad it'd be if he accidentally cut himself on buzen's sword that'd be so sad]
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anyway he'll carefully accept the sword, putting one hand on the hilt and the other on the blade, careful. imagine if he did cut himself and a knifeplay kink awoke in him
it helps that buzen's holding on too, the sword doesn't feel as heavy as he expected. maybe a little heavier, considering that he's holding it up -- fighting against gravity.
...it's so close. just a few inches lower, and it'd be hovering over his neck... he feels his pulse kick up with adrenaline, but he's not afraid. how can he be, when buzen's here? he moves his hand down the hilt a little so he can touch buzen's hand, as if the warmth will remind him that he's not alone.]
...I know you've been held before. But you're the first one I've ever held.
[itsuki took buzen's first kiss, his first moment of intimacy. (and he has the gall to get jealous) shouldn't buzen take more of itsuki's firsts too? he gently tugs the blade down until it's hovering just over his lips, and kisses it softly.]
The only one too.
[though technically he could probably carry another sword... if out of necessity, but never by choice. he shifts his head a little, leans up to kiss the blade again,]
You said that you're mine. [this time he moves the blade to the side, so he can kiss the next part,] That means I'm yours too.
[down, down, down, so he can kiss every part of the blade, his eyes fixed on buzen's]
I'm not a warrior. I don't need to be one. [he doesn't want to be anyone else, because buzen's told him he loves him] I love you, Buzen Gou. Every form of you.
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but he's had itsuki as his lover for longer. itsuki has had his heart for longer.
and itsuki will probably come to realize now that buzen's blush earlier is - almost automatic. it's intimate, to have such obvious gestures of affection directed to his true vessel. it's so close to his soul - and he can feel it now, connected to his sword as he is. the impression of lips against steel, again and again. it steals his breath a little, and embarrasses him.
when itsuki is done - buzen will carefully pull his sword away and go to gently replace it in the sheath, almost like he's hiding... his face is still flushed. it takes him a second to find his words.]
.... I love you, too.
[ . . . ]
In the Prism, we weren't - totally connected to ourselves. But normally we can feel what the blades do. So that was the first time... for me... [to truly understand what it's like to have someone truly wielding him. isn't that one thing that he can give itsuki?
it's taking longer to collect himself than he'd like. he shifts again so that he can just lean down to press his mouth against itsuki's, like it'd buy him time. and also to enjoy something a little more familiar. a kiss for his blade, a kiss for his body. even.]
... let's keep being together, Itsuki.
touches this tag again
it's a heady combination -- the wash of pink across buzen's face, the way he's taking his time when he's normally so quick, the warmth of his lips. the fact that just earlier itsuki had thought it would never be enough, that he'd only ever take from buzen and keep taking out of desperate need, and that fact would somehow repel him. but he's not taking this time, he's just lucky enough to accept.
he's the wind, and itsuki's the ripple. but in this moment? buzen feels like the sun, and itsuki's heart is full,]
...Yeah.
[he slides his hand slowly up buzen's back, mapping out the skin, marveling at the warmth, thinking of how beautiful a blade can be -- both steel and flesh. how blessed he is that buzen chose to love him, chose him to remember him, entrusted that memory onto him. a soft murmur against his lips]
This is the only place I want to be. Next to you.
[where he can look at him and see every side of him, and treasure each expression and word,]
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but.
feeling itsuki's hands on him, chasing after the warmth of his mouth, and the affection on his lips... it makes buzen wish just a little bit more. it would be nice, if he existed. it would be nice, if he could get to be real. then it would be all the more certain that these days would not end, and he would always find his way to itsuki, no matter what the mission may hold.
he doesn't say that, only kisses itsuki again as he laughs softly in return.]
... stay with me, then. For as long as we can.
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I will. ...For as long as we can.
[how wonderful would it be if that could be forever? is it really so impossible a dream?
that's a question itsuki can take his time to answer, he thinks. for now... he draws Buzen back down towards him, pressing kisses on his cheeks, as if that single touch can bring back his very cutely embarrassed expression,]
I think I understand now -- why you like it when I blush.
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I don't even really understand why you blush at the things I do... [like ???? they've been dating for oh god this really isn't that long it's only been a month i started these brackets and then remembered buzen was dead for 4 weeks
anyway]
Though I can't say I dislike it.
[it's kinda funny...
he gives itsuki another kiss, before pressing another one beneath his ear, along his jaw, down his neck.... maybe he's trying to get itsuki to blush again a little now that he's thinking about it]
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There isn't really just one reason.
[itsuki is a complex bottom.......]
Sometimes, it's because I don't know how to react, or know what to do when you show me so much kindness. So it's like I'm surprised, but in a good way. [(tsuru voice) a good surprise] Other times... I get embarrassed, because I get to receive so much affection from you when I never thought I ever would.
And finally... [his voice gets a little deeper her, as he slips his hand under buzen's chin to gently guide him back to him,] I blush whenever I think about wanting you, or when you make it clear you want me.
[buzen whenever itsuki blushes: banging?]
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buzen is thoughtful when itsuki explains this to him, and a little gently amused? how strange it is to him to still think that itsuki didn't expect to receive much affection. he lets his face be guided up, and almost immediately catches itsuki's lips in a kiss as if answering a silent request for more affection.
(that is not what itsuki was asking for, but buzen is just assuming at this point)]
I want you.
[unabashedly.
one of buzen's hands traces down itsuki's body, like trying to memorize every inch to his touch.]
Are you done being jealous over Wiku now?
[he just wants to make sure their last conversation wrapped at a good place before he just showers itsuki in affection,]
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