[BUMPED INTO and he's grumbling again because his Leader is a child! A child!! It's probably not very dignified to grumble and make faces like this either but you know, Tsukasa is also a child. So that works out pretty okay. Probably.
Anyway he's just going to shift then, as if that'll keep Leo from bumping into him again, before considering the words that his leader says and
internally panic
Because that's also! A really Leader-y thing to say! It's a really nice thing to say?! And sure he follows it up with something annoying and lazy and presumptuous, as Leos are wont to do, but.... it doesn't take away from what he said before. It's enough to sent Tsukasa into a bit of a tizzy because-
Because should he just tell Leo that he's thinking of. Well. Him?]
.... Leader, do you -
Don't you ever think about how you come across to other people...
[It sounds like a scold - probably because that's just how Tsukasa talks to Leo, that's how it's always been - but. Well. In a way, it may just be a hint to answer Leo's nosiness without Tsukasa having to sacrifice all of his pride.]
[ mumbles leo, completely answering the question, completely still leaning onto suou just the slightest even when he shifts (you see, he's shifting too to match). his answer'll come, but it comes when he wants it to, as always. but it will come, and maybe he'll mull on it, maybe he won't.
one beat, two beat, then: ]
Nope.
[ that was simple
just out of the blue, as if the question was posed right then and there and not a just a few little moments ago. there's a lull after that, and then he rises, taking some of the small weight he was shoving on tsukasa off. not that he quite straightens, no, but... ]
... Well...! Nope, nope's a lie. Once in a while, I think if I'm doing a good job with you guys, what you all think... [ he shrugs. ] Besides that, not at all! Oh, then there's when I think about what kind of things the aliens are thinking of when they look at me, or pick up on my ucchu ☆, y'know?
[ ...
no, wait. leo can be— a bit much, sometimes, but he's also somewhat perceptive, intuitive. mostly because he goes with his gut in a lot of moments, or maybe it's because he just really pays attention to his knights in particular. tsukasa's new, but definitely still one of "his knights" (their knights), as much as he might not deserve them, so...
what he feels suou is saying catches him off-guard, honestly.
and for once, he's actually not sure what to say. if that's what the younger knight is trying to imply, then he. definitely wasn't expecting that. dON'T WRITE LYRICS WITH HIM IN MIND??? ]
He hates Leo SO MUCH BECAUSE why does he always pick the worst possible times to actually be perceptive? To actually pick up on what Tsukasa's putting down instead of sort of just ignoring everything and doing everything on his own??? why, WHY. leaning against him as he is, he probably feels when Tsukasa stiffens up and turns away abruptly like the snotty little brat he is and insists]
Not like that!
[okay but
yes, like that
HE'S EMBARRASSED, LEAVE HIM ALONE but he's not sure what to do??? He tends to keep these sort of things to himself or confides strictly to those who wouldn't tell like Anzu but. BUT
APPARENTLY SHAMELESS LYRIC WRITING LEADS HIM TO THIS AND to thinking about how much he actually respects the leader who composed the song for him in the first place. Who thought of him and treasured him enough to think that he deserved something of his own to wield as an idol.... isn't that some sort of validation? Isn't that the sort of attention that he craves?
not that he wants Leo's attention specifically
(probably)
ugh]
I... It's - It's really pig-headed of you to think that it's strictly about you, you know!! I recognize that I am the weakest link among Knights and so - so I wish to improve alongside everyone, to learn from all my seniors, is all...!!
[ . . . but. It's not. Good to lie, is it? So even though it's the truth, it's not the whole truth... He's definitely still not looking at Leo but. It wouldn't feel right to act like Leo was completely off.]
... But also -
You are our King whom we serve... and even though you are pig-headed and infuriating and idiotic at times, it is not as though I can completely hate you... I spent a long time looking for you, you know? As such, it's only fair to spend just as long a time getting to know you. Even if I am outclassed and unpolished, I still... wish to serve.
[ ah yes it's his turn to internally panic because aaaaAH fuck this was a mistake. leo said "shameless" and now leo's the other one on the end of a shameless emotional dump sundae and he's not sure what to say. because there's always been an appreciation and an implicit gratitude that everything and everyone he adored accepted him back as they did even after he failed them; an appreciation and an implicit gratitude that tsukasa's somewhat accepted him despite his eccentricities and the sudden way he arrived, that suou tried in his own way to hold knights up.
... except tsukasa's just saying everything out loud now, and it's so much easier for leo to shower that affection than to receive it so directly. this is it, the wildcard spoiled brat he came back to, who he sometimes can predict and at other times can't predict at all. and it's not a bad thing, not at all; it's wonderful, and beautiful, and leo really loves watching tsukasa grow and live more and more, but.
that warmth in his chest that's usually so empowering and a source of pride is also getting a little suffocating, too? ah, god—
tsukasa'll definitely get when leo lifts himself up, completely taking his weight off as he ceases to lean. ]
Hahaha. [ the laugh isn't loud, isn't a cackle. he almost feels shy, which is hilarious. tsukasa is saying he feels outclassed, and yet for a moment leo feels the same way. this brat— ] If you make double-edged lyrics like that, they might not reach everyone.
[ he stops.
but, well.
hm.
those words definitely reached him. ]
... Hearing all that, though... "It doesn't matter" was the wrong thing to put near those thoughts, yep. [ ... ] Don't worry, Suo~. We'll definitely all walk together.
[ words, words, words. he mumbles that to himself, sorting through his mind as he attempts to put himself together, as everything ebbs and flows.
a pause, and he continues, swaying slightly: ]
I want to say thank you, but "thank you" feels like kinda the wrong words to say. Too weak, too... [ he needs something grander. which is what music is for. ] ... Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve Knights like you. You've definitely grown... you're definitely growing...! And if this place is where that's happening, then I want you to stay at my pig-headed, infuriating side as long as possible.
[ even if he doesn't deserve it. selfish, maybe it's selfish—but this is what he has, and he's going to do everything in his power to make sure it's never given up again, that everyone under his care shines to their full potential. that they don't come short, and then flee.
[When Leo shifts, Tsukasa does too - like a brief back and forth. While he's originally been shifting away, he almost follows now. Almost. As if there's an invisible string connecting the two of them but... well, he catches himself before the movement becomes too obvious and he bumps right back into Leo.
Still though, the words manage to get him to blink, turning back to his Leader - if he's receiving praise from his lord, should he not accept it head on? Directly? Like a proper knight? - and he feels something warm in his own chest.
For so long, Leo has always felt so far, whether he's running ahead to a location he doesn't even know or if he's all the way up in space in his own imagination. Even if they sat side by side, Tsukasa wondered if his leader's attention was truly on him. If there was any way to connect. But with that sheepish laugh, the promise that they'll all walk together... he can't help but smile, even if he's still undoubtedly embarrassed.
Did my words manage to reach you?
There's a blush on his cheeks and he's ducking his head a moment later, arranging his bangs as if that's what he's truly doing instead of the fact that he's too embarrassed to really meet his upperclassmen head on once again.]
... Thank you, Leader. It's good to be home.
[And he glances up, a bit of cheeky nerve acting up even still-]
[ ... honestly. leo lets those emotions sink, unsure how to really handle them in a proper way. he accepts them, for sure—he loves them, the flicker of a spark they hit in him, the beginning notes of another song. who would've thought this is what he would've ended up with, when he first saw what he thought was just a subdued newborn brat in a glass cage?
a bump back from tsukasa, an honest admission, the confirmation that this is "home" and leo's here too. yeah... this is definitely why he came back, why he'll always come back. ]
If I wasn't, I'm starting to feel I'd be dragged back real quick!
[ which... isn't a bad thing. the way he says this is almost transparently fond. he won't run away, and if he ever does falter (which he won't), he knows tsukasa wouldn't let him look back.
he's glad he's here. his heart's beating a little wilder than usual in his chest, and he raises a hand to his chin in realization of that. yeah, he's really glad he's here— ]
[It's impossible for Tsukasa to keep from laughing at that, gently amused. It's a little different from his proper, polished laugh that's meant to charm and endear - there's a very brief tinge of something mean to it. But considering the arrogant way in which he tilts his head to look back over at his Leader, something way too self-assured and confident in his eyes....
Well, at least the whole package matches.]
I have already promised you that, haven't I? Whatever it takes, Leader.
I, your Knight, won't accept serving an empty throne ever again. Just as this is my home, my place is also where I should be with you. Isn't that simply the way?
[ . . . hm. He hums softly again, as if surprised by a thought, and then presses his pencil to paper again. It's not the first time that he'd had this thought, but perhaps it makes for a fairly pretty lyric too.
My home is at your side.
It's unpolished - he's not even sure if it fits in with the melody, it'll probably have to be edited - but it's definitely shameless and sincere.]
[ ... this handful of a knight. isn't that simply the way? he won't accept serving an empty throne? the words, the laughter, the expression—all of it is so arrogant, and yet the only thing that leo can think is that that's all interesting. that confidence is wonderful to see.
and a bunch of complicated something elses that he can't quite place.
maybe he's bested for once, as leo feels an unfamiliar heat rise to his cheeks. it's one thing to know the strength of that loyalty, the strength of the emotions directed his way; it's another thing to hear them, and sometimes he feels as if he'll handle situations like these clumsily.
he tilts his head, and smiles. ]
You're making it the way with that forceful speech, huh? [ ... ] ... Well, I wouldn't choose anything else. I promised too, right—I won't give up this crown until you guys rise above everyone else.
[ and even then, will suou let him leave? who knows. maybe beyond that, leo has to ask himself if that's what he'll want to do, in the end.
after all.
it's that confident sparkle in tsukasa's eyes, the bursts of inspiration he says he doesn't have but the proof of the contrary truth is right in front of him, in the way he writes—that's that "something new" he's learned to love. with that, leo leans a bit, curious and attempting to read what's in the notebook. ]
[In truth, Tsukasa doesn't want Leo to leave. Even after they regain their former glory, even after Knights becomes the unit that reigns over all else, even after all that.... where would they be without their Leader? Perhaps Leo will say that he will want to go on a long journey or wander elsewhere once their time together is done but -
already, Tsukasa knows that he doesn't want that.
He wants to live alongside Leo for as long as possible - but that's something that he can't bring himself to say yet, not just yet. There's still more to learn, to understand, to really comprehend... but he can wait. He'll be patient.
The question manages to get him to snap out of his reverie, a moment of hesitation as he looks over his lyrics again - they're unpolished and will require heavy editing, he knows he wants to write some lyrics in English but that's something that he'll be going over later - but well. After his Leader is writing a song for him... can't he do this? So he'll pause, the confidence in handling Leo faltering when it comes to reflecting over his own work - ]
Mm.... It's very incomplete but.... I suppose.
[so he'll shift the notebook so that Leo can read the phrases and lyrics that came from Tsukasa's pencil, disjointed and not even forming entire verses just yet, but still retaining the ideas that he wants to convey
It's only ever you that I'll be running to. If you would only stay, I'd never waste a day.
Please welcome me home.
Would you mind doing everything with me? For even now, there's no place I'd rather be.
[ no, seriously. he mulls over the lyrics, those something elses pulling at his mind, and for a moment he pauses.
right, right, this is for everyone in knights, and it's definitely confirmation that suou's thoughts are pure, earnest. he's glad that this is the place of belonging that tsukasa's found—that knights spark these kinds of feelings in him. that this inspiration is so genuine that leo can pull it out the words.
they could use work, of course, but the most important thing in leo's opinion has slotted into his mind, and that's fine. ]
... Yeah, I see... I see—! It's just blooming, but it's really running wild, huh...?
[ excuse him as he looks up. back down, to the words. then he shifts. there's a sudden rush of something in him; a sudden movement through the notebooks and notebooks and notebooks laying around him. he makes adjustments to the music quickly, slotting it easier into the concept tsukasa's crafting and the direction leo is being dragged in, his tongue peeking out from the corner of his lips as he writes and writes and adjusts.
that's what the skips of leo's heart are for, right? the inspiration building in him, pushing against his ribcage.
he doesn't vocalize his thoughts, because he's not too sure he can just yet. and really, when has leo ever explained anything in the middle of his fervent genius? ]
[The sudden movement manages to surprise Tsukasa, enough to get him to sigh a little bit at first, giving his ever prompt scolding:] Really Leader, you always act on your own....
[Though - given the fact that it's for the sake of his own song, he can't quite complain, can he? No, that wouldn't be fair. So Tsukasa instead watches as Leo's pencil writes and writes and writes - unable to really believe that the music is original and flowing out so naturally. Isn't his Leader a rather impressive person? Excitable like a child, but the embarrassed look on his face earlier was enjoyable too.
Overall, it's almost kind of - ]
Cute....
[At least it's said softly before Tsukasa laughs behind his hand, so sure that Leo's so busy in his writing that he's not paying attention to his underclassmen anymore. Instead, Tsukasa shifts to try to read the adjusted music and he finds himself humming. It's perfectly in his key, which is impressive and infuriating and embarrassing all over again because of course Leo can compose something flawless so easily....
It's a bit too much.
Still, he supposes it's best to try to fit the two together so he reads over an edited line again, pausing and then testing out the lyrics to the tune.]
[ yeah, he is a little too absorbed in the explosion of creativity to register tsukasa's first compliment, or the understandable complaints. there's only his lyrics, the message, the little spark tsukasa's words and confident gestures started, that's quickly turning into a fire.
but eventually, he does stop. not completely willingly, but because another thing cuts through his inspirational daze. that is, tsukasa's voice, and when leo hears the slight preview of what they've made together he... well, first he lets his pencil linger in the air, as if frozen in time. then his eyes shut, and he takes in the line, repeating it in his mind, assessing it and letting his imagination fill in the rest of what may come.
and you know, for once, he really doesn't think his mind is doing what may come enough justice at all-- ]
Hmmm. A little longer at the end... [ a small hum. ] A little more... And I don't even think flying too close to the sun'll stop us! Wahaha! What do you call Icarus without melted wings?!
[ because it'd been a pretty apt description for him before, but right now he's not so sure. right now all he knows is he needs to hear more, and he pulls a notebook into his hands, extends it to his current muse. ]
[That's his attempt of answering Leo's question - even though there probably isn't much of a good answer available? Really, why does his leader always speak in such riddles? Even so, he's going to take the notebook that's offered from him, eyes scanning the page and humming the tune. His sight reading has only gotten better and better, thank goodness, even though it's still far from perfect.
But he'll keep trying to improve from here - for his sake as well as Knights.
Isn't the person next to him the one that he's wanted to impress since the beginning?
So he repeats: hums the line once more, makes sure that he has the melody correctly even though it's so fresh from Leo's own mind. Then meeting his leader's eyes, hoping to be enough (please let him be enough), he delivers the combination of the music and lyrics.]
Please welcome me home - [and because he's amused, entertained by being bossed around by Leo when his leader is actually properly leading him] - my lord. ♫
and leo's heart does that little flop again, as he's left to pause over the lyrics again. the clear bits of inspiration are mixing with the unnamed feelings right now; they click together as nicely as his music and tsukasa's lyrics do, to the point that he can't quite tell what's foreign and new and what he can peg as familiar. it's kind of a mess and yes, he's used to sorting through messes, but this one takes a little more time...
he doesn't look away from the eyes locked on him, and he doesn't even react in surprise or... anything, still in time as he tries to put a name to the new things popping up in the familiar sea of rests and quarters, eighths and sixteenths.
he realizes he should probably react. he blinks, and-- ]
[mom can go back to murdering people with riceballs
Still though, Tsukasa can't help but make a little bit of a face like that? His teasing just got brushed off....]
How disappointing...
[Still though he can admit that he was probably the one picking that fight, instead laughing to himself as he shakes his head and offers the notebook back to Leo in exchange. Maybe he was hoping that he could embarrass his leader and get him to blush again? That face was really amusing, after all.... but! If not - he supposes he'll just have to let it go. For now.
Sort of.]
Mm, it can't go into the actual song - but it's rather funny for you to consistently act in such a Leader-type way... I suppose I couldn't help it?
but mostly leo's muted reaction can be attributed to his one-track mind and lack of really slotting things into context when there's a song in front of him. processing power slows when you're too focused on other things... except that's just leo, whose interpretation of multi-tasking is "throw yourself completely onto one task and let that other task kind of buzz in the background, maybe, what was that task again??"
he takes the notebook back slowly, somewhat confused, those feelings still nameless and undefined, things a bit of a tangle.
oh. he's being teased.
... except he's still not embarrassed. or blushing. instead his brow furrows, and— ]
except he is a little suspicious, tilting his head in confusion as his brow also furrows ever so slightly.]
Why....
[What do you want from him, Leo! Still though, he supposes that there's no harm in it. Maybe there's something in the melody that Leo wants to fix and edit, but needs to hear from Tsukasa again to make sure it's being done correctly? It's not like Tsukasa has ever really been involved in the editing of Leo's songs - they're already perfect by the time Knights gets to see them for performance, after all...
Still though, he'll try again:]
Please welcome me home - [and it actually happens naturally, like he forgets that it's not meant to be part of the song] - my lord. ♫
Thanks, [ he mutters that, half-there, as his mind works through the haze. that was... not... that, but it was, but it wasn't at the same time.
it's different. not bad different, but the feeling is new. and that's... odd, for leo, who's so used to letting every feeling under the sun pull him every which way comfortably and, even when they don't, even when he's dragged, at least he knows what to do. well, now.
this is just... this.
spreading this way and that, directionless. no, that was wrong. directionless was—before. this was every direction.
he's silent for a while longer. the song is... actually fine, and there's no question that, again, tsukasa's lyrics and his music've clicked. he wants to say that, and instead what comes out is: ]
Can we keep this one?
[ ......... no, that's not what he meant to—
there's a brief second of him not knowing what to do, blinking in confusion at his own words, because that's wrong. rather, he's never wanted to hide a song away, not one that's good; that's wrong, completely contradictory, and maybe tsukasa will take that as leo voicing his displeasure with the current results but it's really the opposite.
[Of all the responses that Tsukasa was expecting - that wasn't one of them. He blinks, clearly surprised, even more confused than he was a second ago. Was something off? He repeats the lines over in his head - had he sung them incorrectly, did the lyrics not match how the song was supposed to go, was the embellishment too much? Had he done something to offend his leader?
Except.
Leo looks just as confused as he does?
So it's not malicious - not enough for Tsukasa to get too distracted or riled up or hurt... well, so far anyway. It's still not the same expression that Leo wore when he was part of the audience, evaluating and unhappy with Tsukasa's performance, so... what could it be?
It's still enough to get him to furrow his brow, a little frustrated.]
If... that's what Leader wants -
[it's Leo's song, isn't it? Leo's song for him, maybe but.... it's not like he can really deny a request from his King.]
But... why?
[He's always been the type to Question him though.]
feeling very clumsy all of a sudden, like when he forgets suou's name a little too much and then he ends up with an almost-crying kid on his hands... but this is pretty different. everything is just pretty different, apparently, and his gaze goes to the notebook in his hands as a distraction.
... o-kay, how does he handle this one?
suddenly, with a wave of one hand and his everything else focused on the page in front of him: ]
Forget it, forget it! All the notes got messed up in my head, grrr, and I ended up with something pretty reckless, huh... [ er, yeah, that's one way to put it? now, he looks up at tsukasa, the majority of the excuse already up in the air, entirely determined not to seem too phased about this whole thing. ] What was I gonna... Right! Like I said, it's your song, so that's up to you. Even if it's me, letting someone else decide whether or not you sing what you crafted, or what was crafted for you, doesn't fit well at all.
[ that's a little sharp. but, well, leo's said himself that he's not always gentle, and it's true. ]
Regardless that manages to get Tsukasa to be a little bit more annoyed? It's easier to feel annoyance than insecurity (but surprise, he manages to feel both most of the time) but he'd still rather the irritation show on his face. Still, he's just going to shake his head shortly after - ]
But it is not just my song? You are still the composer... if you don't want your song to be heard then - it won't be. [Though there's a noise of irritation that escapes him - undignified, he chastises himself internally, but well it's not like anyone can see it but Leo - and he ends up siiighing and then moving to fix his hair if only to give his hands something to do now that he doesn't feel like picking up a paper or pen.] You're such a handful!
Don't call me down here to put a song together if you don't want it to be heard? Really, that's just irresponsible...!
his kneejerk response is to say that it's not his song that he doesn't want heard, because why else would he write a song? he writes them so they are heard, it's just— somehow, with the lyrics, it ended up being the opposite? except he also wants suou's song to be heard, so that's ridiculous. the creative gods are definitely punishing him with... something. something... what kind of line of thought is that even.
he presses his lips together.
that's definitely selfish— ]
Rather, isn't the handful someone that continues to remember even when I said to forget it...? It's not a fault in the song itself, so you can rest easy about that.
[ JUST CHILL, says leo tsukinaga, as he just tugs suou along and
But Tsukasa is. Listening. He's really trying to listen to the explanation, but there's a catch: the explanation doesn't actually exist. That sure is a rambling, bumbling response and there's actually no sort of rhyme or reason to it. It had been a nice moment, Tsukasa thinks, where he and Leo actually got to see to eye for a bit. they got along and their music and lyrics matched up and
well the problem is now that Leo apparently doesn't want to let that music be heard and also is dancing around telling Tsukasa his reasoning
which is why Tsukasa isn't really going to just accept that anymore]
If it's not the song itself... then why? You don't want to let anyone else hear it? Doesn't that go against our purpose as idols? [frustration mounting, snowballing into English:] It doesn't make sense!
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no subject
Anyway he's just going to shift then, as if that'll keep Leo from bumping into him again, before considering the words that his leader says and
internally panic
Because that's also! A really Leader-y thing to say! It's a really nice thing to say?! And sure he follows it up with something annoying and lazy and presumptuous, as Leos are wont to do, but.... it doesn't take away from what he said before. It's enough to sent Tsukasa into a bit of a tizzy because-
Because should he just tell Leo that he's thinking of. Well. Him?]
.... Leader, do you -
Don't you ever think about how you come across to other people...
[It sounds like a scold - probably because that's just how Tsukasa talks to Leo, that's how it's always been - but. Well. In a way, it may just be a hint to answer Leo's nosiness without Tsukasa having to sacrifice all of his pride.]
no subject
[ mumbles leo, completely answering the question, completely still leaning onto suou just the slightest even when he shifts (you see, he's shifting too to match). his answer'll come, but it comes when he wants it to, as always. but it will come, and maybe he'll mull on it, maybe he won't.
one beat, two beat, then: ]
Nope.
[ that was simple
just out of the blue, as if the question was posed right then and there and not a just a few little moments ago. there's a lull after that, and then he rises, taking some of the small weight he was shoving on tsukasa off. not that he quite straightens, no, but... ]
... Well...! Nope, nope's a lie. Once in a while, I think if I'm doing a good job with you guys, what you all think... [ he shrugs. ] Besides that, not at all! Oh, then there's when I think about what kind of things the aliens are thinking of when they look at me, or pick up on my ucchu ☆, y'know?
[ ...
no, wait. leo can be— a bit much, sometimes, but he's also somewhat perceptive, intuitive. mostly because he goes with his gut in a lot of moments, or maybe it's because he just really pays attention to his knights in particular. tsukasa's new, but definitely still one of "his knights" (their knights), as much as he might not deserve them, so...
what he feels suou is saying catches him off-guard, honestly.
and for once, he's actually not sure what to say. if that's what the younger knight is trying to imply, then he. definitely wasn't expecting that. dON'T WRITE LYRICS WITH HIM IN MIND??? ]
Ah, wait. Are you...?
[ is it his turn to internally panic ]
no subject
He hates Leo SO MUCH BECAUSE why does he always pick the worst possible times to actually be perceptive? To actually pick up on what Tsukasa's putting down instead of sort of just ignoring everything and doing everything on his own??? why, WHY. leaning against him as he is, he probably feels when Tsukasa stiffens up and turns away abruptly like the snotty little brat he is and insists]
Not like that!
[okay but
yes, like that
HE'S EMBARRASSED, LEAVE HIM ALONE but he's not sure what to do??? He tends to keep these sort of things to himself or confides strictly to those who wouldn't tell like Anzu but. BUT
APPARENTLY SHAMELESS LYRIC WRITING LEADS HIM TO THIS AND to thinking about how much he actually respects the leader who composed the song for him in the first place. Who thought of him and treasured him enough to think that he deserved something of his own to wield as an idol.... isn't that some sort of validation? Isn't that the sort of attention that he craves?
not that he wants Leo's attention specifically
(probably)
ugh]
I... It's - It's really pig-headed of you to think that it's strictly about you, you know!! I recognize that I am the weakest link among Knights and so - so I wish to improve alongside everyone, to learn from all my seniors, is all...!!
[ . . . but. It's not. Good to lie, is it? So even though it's the truth, it's not the whole truth... He's definitely still not looking at Leo but. It wouldn't feel right to act like Leo was completely off.]
... But also -
You are our King whom we serve... and even though you are pig-headed and infuriating and idiotic at times, it is not as though I can completely hate you... I spent a long time looking for you, you know? As such, it's only fair to spend just as long a time getting to know you. Even if I am outclassed and unpolished, I still... wish to serve.
That is what I think.
[That's -
That's what he means.]
/2
... except tsukasa's just saying everything out loud now, and it's so much easier for leo to shower that affection than to receive it so directly. this is it, the wildcard spoiled brat he came back to, who he sometimes can predict and at other times can't predict at all. and it's not a bad thing, not at all; it's wonderful, and beautiful, and leo really loves watching tsukasa grow and live more and more, but.
that warmth in his chest that's usually so empowering and a source of pride is also getting a little suffocating, too? ah, god—
tsukasa'll definitely get when leo lifts himself up, completely taking his weight off as he ceases to lean. ]
Hahaha. [ the laugh isn't loud, isn't a cackle. he almost feels shy, which is hilarious. tsukasa is saying he feels outclassed, and yet for a moment leo feels the same way. this brat— ] If you make double-edged lyrics like that, they might not reach everyone.
[ he stops.
but, well.
hm.
those words definitely reached him. ]
... Hearing all that, though... "It doesn't matter" was the wrong thing to put near those thoughts, yep. [ ... ] Don't worry, Suo~. We'll definitely all walk together.
[ words, words, words. he mumbles that to himself, sorting through his mind as he attempts to put himself together, as everything ebbs and flows.
a pause, and he continues, swaying slightly: ]
I want to say thank you, but "thank you" feels like kinda the wrong words to say. Too weak, too... [ he needs something grander. which is what music is for. ] ... Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve Knights like you. You've definitely grown... you're definitely growing...! And if this place is where that's happening, then I want you to stay at my pig-headed, infuriating side as long as possible.
[ even if he doesn't deserve it. selfish, maybe it's selfish—but this is what he has, and he's going to do everything in his power to make sure it's never given up again, that everyone under his care shines to their full potential. that they don't come short, and then flee.
he really does love suou. ]
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[ ... ]
—Welcome home!
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Still though, the words manage to get him to blink, turning back to his Leader - if he's receiving praise from his lord, should he not accept it head on? Directly? Like a proper knight? - and he feels something warm in his own chest.
For so long, Leo has always felt so far, whether he's running ahead to a location he doesn't even know or if he's all the way up in space in his own imagination. Even if they sat side by side, Tsukasa wondered if his leader's attention was truly on him. If there was any way to connect. But with that sheepish laugh, the promise that they'll all walk together... he can't help but smile, even if he's still undoubtedly embarrassed.
Did my words manage to reach you?
There's a blush on his cheeks and he's ducking his head a moment later, arranging his bangs as if that's what he's truly doing instead of the fact that he's too embarrassed to really meet his upperclassmen head on once again.]
... Thank you, Leader. It's good to be home.
[And he glances up, a bit of cheeky nerve acting up even still-]
I'm glad you're here, too.
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a bump back from tsukasa, an honest admission, the confirmation that this is "home" and leo's here too. yeah... this is definitely why he came back, why he'll always come back. ]
If I wasn't, I'm starting to feel I'd be dragged back real quick!
[ which... isn't a bad thing. the way he says this is almost transparently fond. he won't run away, and if he ever does falter (which he won't), he knows tsukasa wouldn't let him look back.
he's glad he's here. his heart's beating a little wilder than usual in his chest, and he raises a hand to his chin in realization of that. yeah, he's really glad he's here— ]
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Well, at least the whole package matches.]
I have already promised you that, haven't I? Whatever it takes, Leader.
I, your Knight, won't accept serving an empty throne ever again. Just as this is my home, my place is also where I should be with you. Isn't that simply the way?
[ . . . hm. He hums softly again, as if surprised by a thought, and then presses his pencil to paper again. It's not the first time that he'd had this thought, but perhaps it makes for a fairly pretty lyric too.
My home is at your side.
It's unpolished - he's not even sure if it fits in with the melody, it'll probably have to be edited - but it's definitely shameless and sincere.]
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and a bunch of complicated something elses that he can't quite place.
maybe he's bested for once, as leo feels an unfamiliar heat rise to his cheeks. it's one thing to know the strength of that loyalty, the strength of the emotions directed his way; it's another thing to hear them, and sometimes he feels as if he'll handle situations like these clumsily.
he tilts his head, and smiles. ]
You're making it the way with that forceful speech, huh? [ ... ] ... Well, I wouldn't choose anything else. I promised too, right—I won't give up this crown until you guys rise above everyone else.
[ and even then, will suou let him leave? who knows. maybe beyond that, leo has to ask himself if that's what he'll want to do, in the end.
after all.
it's that confident sparkle in tsukasa's eyes, the bursts of inspiration he says he doesn't have but the proof of the contrary truth is right in front of him, in the way he writes—that's that "something new" he's learned to love. with that, leo leans a bit, curious and attempting to read what's in the notebook. ]
Hey, can I see?
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already, Tsukasa knows that he doesn't want that.
He wants to live alongside Leo for as long as possible - but that's something that he can't bring himself to say yet, not just yet. There's still more to learn, to understand, to really comprehend... but he can wait. He'll be patient.
The question manages to get him to snap out of his reverie, a moment of hesitation as he looks over his lyrics again - they're unpolished and will require heavy editing, he knows he wants to write some lyrics in English but that's something that he'll be going over later - but well. After his Leader is writing a song for him... can't he do this? So he'll pause, the confidence in handling Leo faltering when it comes to reflecting over his own work - ]
Mm.... It's very incomplete but.... I suppose.
[so he'll shift the notebook so that Leo can read the phrases and lyrics that came from Tsukasa's pencil, disjointed and not even forming entire verses just yet, but still retaining the ideas that he wants to convey
It's only ever you that I'll be running to.
If you would only stay, I'd never waste a day.
Please welcome me home.
Would you mind doing everything with me?
For even now, there's no place I'd rather be.
My home is at your side.]
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what the fuck ]
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[ no, seriously. he mulls over the lyrics, those something elses pulling at his mind, and for a moment he pauses.
right, right, this is for everyone in knights, and it's definitely confirmation that suou's thoughts are pure, earnest. he's glad that this is the place of belonging that tsukasa's found—that knights spark these kinds of feelings in him. that this inspiration is so genuine that leo can pull it out the words.
they could use work, of course, but the most important thing in leo's opinion has slotted into his mind, and that's fine. ]
... Yeah, I see... I see—! It's just blooming, but it's really running wild, huh...?
[ excuse him as he looks up. back down, to the words. then he shifts. there's a sudden rush of something in him; a sudden movement through the notebooks and notebooks and notebooks laying around him. he makes adjustments to the music quickly, slotting it easier into the concept tsukasa's crafting and the direction leo is being dragged in, his tongue peeking out from the corner of his lips as he writes and writes and adjusts.
that's what the skips of leo's heart are for, right? the inspiration building in him, pushing against his ribcage.
he doesn't vocalize his thoughts, because he's not too sure he can just yet. and really, when has leo ever explained anything in the middle of his fervent genius? ]
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[Though - given the fact that it's for the sake of his own song, he can't quite complain, can he? No, that wouldn't be fair. So Tsukasa instead watches as Leo's pencil writes and writes and writes - unable to really believe that the music is original and flowing out so naturally. Isn't his Leader a rather impressive person? Excitable like a child, but the embarrassed look on his face earlier was enjoyable too.
Overall, it's almost kind of - ]
Cute....
[At least it's said softly before Tsukasa laughs behind his hand, so sure that Leo's so busy in his writing that he's not paying attention to his underclassmen anymore. Instead, Tsukasa shifts to try to read the adjusted music and he finds himself humming. It's perfectly in his key, which is impressive and infuriating and embarrassing all over again because of course Leo can compose something flawless so easily....
It's a bit too much.
Still, he supposes it's best to try to fit the two together so he reads over an edited line again, pausing and then testing out the lyrics to the tune.]
For even now, there's no place I'd rather be... ♪
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but eventually, he does stop. not completely willingly, but because another thing cuts through his inspirational daze. that is, tsukasa's voice, and when leo hears the slight preview of what they've made together he... well, first he lets his pencil linger in the air, as if frozen in time. then his eyes shut, and he takes in the line, repeating it in his mind, assessing it and letting his imagination fill in the rest of what may come.
and you know, for once, he really doesn't think his mind is doing what may come enough justice at all-- ]
Hmmm. A little longer at the end... [ a small hum. ] A little more... And I don't even think flying too close to the sun'll stop us! Wahaha! What do you call Icarus without melted wings?!
[ because it'd been a pretty apt description for him before, but right now he's not so sure. right now all he knows is he needs to hear more, and he pulls a notebook into his hands, extends it to his current muse. ]
Here, here! Try... "Please welcome me home"!
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[That's his attempt of answering Leo's question - even though there probably isn't much of a good answer available? Really, why does his leader always speak in such riddles? Even so, he's going to take the notebook that's offered from him, eyes scanning the page and humming the tune. His sight reading has only gotten better and better, thank goodness, even though it's still far from perfect.
But he'll keep trying to improve from here - for his sake as well as Knights.
Isn't the person next to him the one that he's wanted to impress since the beginning?
So he repeats: hums the line once more, makes sure that he has the melody correctly even though it's so fresh from Leo's own mind. Then meeting his leader's eyes, hoping to be enough (please let him be enough), he delivers the combination of the music and lyrics.]
Please welcome me home - [and because he's amused, entertained by being bossed around by Leo when his leader is actually properly leading him] - my lord. ♫
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and leo's heart does that little flop again, as he's left to pause over the lyrics again. the clear bits of inspiration are mixing with the unnamed feelings right now; they click together as nicely as his music and tsukasa's lyrics do, to the point that he can't quite tell what's foreign and new and what he can peg as familiar. it's kind of a mess and yes, he's used to sorting through messes, but this one takes a little more time...
he doesn't look away from the eyes locked on him, and he doesn't even react in surprise or... anything, still in time as he tries to put a name to the new things popping up in the familiar sea of rests and quarters, eighths and sixteenths.
he realizes he should probably react. he blinks, and-- ]
Hmm...? That last part's new!
[ ........ smooth.
can't add that in there, no. ]
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Still though, Tsukasa can't help but make a little bit of a face like that? His teasing just got brushed off....]
How disappointing...
[Still though he can admit that he was probably the one picking that fight, instead laughing to himself as he shakes his head and offers the notebook back to Leo in exchange. Maybe he was hoping that he could embarrass his leader and get him to blush again? That face was really amusing, after all.... but! If not - he supposes he'll just have to let it go. For now.
Sort of.]
Mm, it can't go into the actual song - but it's rather funny for you to consistently act in such a Leader-type way... I suppose I couldn't help it?
[a little amendment just for Leo!]
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but mostly leo's muted reaction can be attributed to his one-track mind and lack of really slotting things into context when there's a song in front of him. processing power slows when you're too focused on other things... except that's just leo, whose interpretation of multi-tasking is "throw yourself completely onto one task and let that other task kind of buzz in the background, maybe, what was that task again??"
he takes the notebook back slowly, somewhat confused, those feelings still nameless and undefined, things a bit of a tangle.
oh. he's being teased.
... except he's still not embarrassed. or blushing. instead his brow furrows, and— ]
Hey, can you sing that again?
[ this is going to backfire bUDDY ]
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except he is a little suspicious, tilting his head in confusion as his brow also furrows ever so slightly.]
Why....
[What do you want from him, Leo! Still though, he supposes that there's no harm in it. Maybe there's something in the melody that Leo wants to fix and edit, but needs to hear from Tsukasa again to make sure it's being done correctly? It's not like Tsukasa has ever really been involved in the editing of Leo's songs - they're already perfect by the time Knights gets to see them for performance, after all...
Still though, he'll try again:]
Please welcome me home - [and it actually happens naturally, like he forgets that it's not meant to be part of the song] - my lord. ♫
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it's different. not bad different, but the feeling is new. and that's... odd, for leo, who's so used to letting every feeling under the sun pull him every which way comfortably and, even when they don't, even when he's dragged, at least he knows what to do. well, now.
this is just... this.
spreading this way and that, directionless. no, that was wrong. directionless was—before. this was every direction.
he's silent for a while longer. the song is... actually fine, and there's no question that, again, tsukasa's lyrics and his music've clicked. he wants to say that, and instead what comes out is: ]
Can we keep this one?
[ ......... no, that's not what he meant to—
there's a brief second of him not knowing what to do, blinking in confusion at his own words, because that's wrong. rather, he's never wanted to hide a song away, not one that's good; that's wrong, completely contradictory, and maybe tsukasa will take that as leo voicing his displeasure with the current results but it's really the opposite.
ah, crap. ]
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Except.
Leo looks just as confused as he does?
So it's not malicious - not enough for Tsukasa to get too distracted or riled up or hurt... well, so far anyway. It's still not the same expression that Leo wore when he was part of the audience, evaluating and unhappy with Tsukasa's performance, so... what could it be?
It's still enough to get him to furrow his brow, a little frustrated.]
If... that's what Leader wants -
[it's Leo's song, isn't it? Leo's song for him, maybe but.... it's not like he can really deny a request from his King.]
But... why?
[He's always been the type to Question him though.]
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feeling very clumsy all of a sudden, like when he forgets suou's name a little too much and then he ends up with an almost-crying kid on his hands... but this is pretty different. everything is just pretty different, apparently, and his gaze goes to the notebook in his hands as a distraction.
... o-kay, how does he handle this one?
suddenly, with a wave of one hand and his everything else focused on the page in front of him: ]
Forget it, forget it! All the notes got messed up in my head, grrr, and I ended up with something pretty reckless, huh... [ er, yeah, that's one way to put it? now, he looks up at tsukasa, the majority of the excuse already up in the air, entirely determined not to seem too phased about this whole thing. ] What was I gonna... Right! Like I said, it's your song, so that's up to you. Even if it's me, letting someone else decide whether or not you sing what you crafted, or what was crafted for you, doesn't fit well at all.
[ that's a little sharp. but, well, leo's said himself that he's not always gentle, and it's true. ]
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['cause yOU'RE HOT AND YOU'RE COLD....
Regardless that manages to get Tsukasa to be a little bit more annoyed? It's easier to feel annoyance than insecurity (but surprise, he manages to feel both most of the time) but he'd still rather the irritation show on his face. Still, he's just going to shake his head shortly after - ]
But it is not just my song? You are still the composer... if you don't want your song to be heard then - it won't be. [Though there's a noise of irritation that escapes him - undignified, he chastises himself internally, but well it's not like anyone can see it but Leo - and he ends up siiighing and then moving to fix his hair if only to give his hands something to do now that he doesn't feel like picking up a paper or pen.] You're such a handful!
Don't call me down here to put a song together if you don't want it to be heard? Really, that's just irresponsible...!
[you got his hopes up and everything!]
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[ dISASTER.
his kneejerk response is to say that it's not his song that he doesn't want heard, because why else would he write a song? he writes them so they are heard, it's just— somehow, with the lyrics, it ended up being the opposite? except he also wants suou's song to be heard, so that's ridiculous. the creative gods are definitely punishing him with... something. something... what kind of line of thought is that even.
he presses his lips together.
that's definitely selfish— ]
Rather, isn't the handful someone that continues to remember even when I said to forget it...? It's not a fault in the song itself, so you can rest easy about that.
[ JUST CHILL, says leo tsukinaga, as he just tugs suou along and
EXPLAINS NOTHING. ]
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[so LITERALLY ALL THE TIME.
But Tsukasa is. Listening. He's really trying to listen to the explanation, but there's a catch: the explanation doesn't actually exist. That sure is a rambling, bumbling response and there's actually no sort of rhyme or reason to it. It had been a nice moment, Tsukasa thinks, where he and Leo actually got to see to eye for a bit. they got along and their music and lyrics matched up and
well the problem is now that Leo apparently doesn't want to let that music be heard and also is dancing around telling Tsukasa his reasoning
which is why Tsukasa isn't really going to just accept that anymore]
If it's not the song itself... then why? You don't want to let anyone else hear it? Doesn't that go against our purpose as idols? [frustration mounting, snowballing into English:] It doesn't make sense!
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