sugarcube | psl || like a ripple that chases the slightest caress of the breeze

[HELP

buzen looks surprised??? hello???? he looks at the nicely drawn picture before laughing a little - ] Kazu-san? I think he sent me one too...

[i'm not checking the graveyard i don't remember i feel like buzen got something of itsuki. but even as he reaches out one hand to go through the box, marveling at the letters, he'll also bring his other arm to loop around itsuki's waist and pull him closer....]

... you wrote these but didn't send them to me...? I know I'm bad at reading but...

[he doesn't really understand why itsuki kept them. buzen already picks one up to start skimming over it, falling quiet]

[are you ready for more bottom behavior,

Itsuki immediately puts his hand over the letter,]

You don't have to read them now! [he sounds panicky for someone who decided to GIVE these LETTERS to BUZEN] I mean -- you can do it later.

...I'm sorry I didn't send them. I started writing right after you... died, so I wanted to keep them. They helped a little.

[the power of gay pining]

[i'm

help

ITSUKI WHAT IS THIS]

You don't want me to read it in front of you...?

[he turns to itsuki and just presses a kiss to his mouth, nipping at his lip briefly]

... well, I'm glad you gave them to me now. I do want to read them, even if it'll take me a little bit. [he's so almost illiterate but honestly if itsuki stuck mostly to kanji and no loan words buzen should be able to understand them

his expression softens a little] I'm glad you could do... whatever you needed, to find something that helped. [a little more softly] I didn't mean to leave.

[itsuki's handwriting is very pretty but yeah he never went to school so it's probably very easy to read,,, gay on main

He immediately forgets to be a bottom, pressing soft, reassuring kisses along Buzen's jaw,]

...We found our way back to each other. [and his cheek] That's what we said we'd do, and that's what happened.

[ . . . Hmmm. buzen accepts this easily enough - he puts the letter away just so he can wrap both of his arms around itsuki instead.]

… it is. I’m relieved.

I woke up on the other side and - well, mostly I just felt content. I was ready to be broken… but I was still me, and I still existed.

So as long as I exist somewhere, I’ll always come back to you.

[itsuki tightens his arms around him, but he's trying to comfort too, as much as he's being comforted.]

...I can go to you too, you know. [quietly,] Wherever you exist, and wherever you are. Whether it's the other side or here. ...I just want to be with you.

[for however long he can]

[ . . . buzen still doesn't always know what to do with it - this feeling that he doesn't always have to be the one running to the rescue. itsuki will always be trying to find him too.

it squeezes his heart a little, just short of painful, but he'll lean in to press a kiss to itsuki's forehead regardless]

... I want you to be safe, more than anything. But... I want to be with you too. So I guess I'll just always have to help keep you safe, right?

[his forehead feels warm... itsuki catches Buzen's chin so he can place a kiss on his mouth too,]

Mm. You're the only one who can. [smiling against his lips] The only one fast enough, and the only one who I trust.

[maybe it's not so bad, being soft. If it means Buzen will always look at him. If he can't fight by his side like the other swords, or walk the same path like Roxana can...

Then he can have his attention in other ways -- the only way he can.]

[ . . . soft. so soft, in a way that doesn't entirely make sense for a sword. but it is sincere and it just strengthens buzen's resolve.]

... I told you before that I don't think I'm cut out to be a guardian sword. I still think that's... probably true. [a beat] It felt especially close. The mission we just completed... I had to kill someone I liked, and admired. Someone who I wished had lived - but I knew he couldn't, for the sake of history.

[his expression turns a little rueful]

I told you that I helped build Edo Castle... I didn't mention that I also had to kill its architect, Ota Dokan. [he frowns here] I had the opportunity to save him, but I couldn't. For a really long time, I've never been able to save any human.

[the reminder makes him pull itsuki closer to him, as though something else may try to take him away again]

... but I want to save you. I want to save others too - I've been able to figure that out, thanks to Wiku and Ro. But... when you're in front of me, I can only think of looking after you.

I want to be what you see in me.

[...there's heartache there.

he can't help it. listening to Buzen, realizing what exactly 'protecting history' means... he thinks he understands a little more now. why Buzen would never call his own actions good -- even if they were committed for the sake of the many.

he thinks back on the man clad in the green kimono. 'that was someone buzen liked and wanted to save, but could not'. his heart feels heavy. as much as he'd like to offer absolution -- he knows he can't. it would be an insult to that man, and more importantly, to Buzen -- who understands the gravity of every action he takes.]

...Thank you for telling me. I'm glad I learned something new about you.

[he slides his hand around Buzen's wrist, pulling it up so that his hand is flat against his heart. so that the steady beat of Itsuki's heart can comfort him, even in this small way,]

...And I still feel the same way. You make me feel safe, and you're the only one who can save me. And if you can save me, then you can save others too. ...I'll always believe that.

[for every time Buzen's not sure, Itsuki can believe in his stead. that buzen is the sword so fast that it's never been seen, and the sword who saved him, and so many others]

[sometimes, he thinks itsuki could still pull away from him. even after all these declarations, these weeks of loyalty, buzen can't help but admit that it'd be possible. humans can grow and change their minds about anything - but in this heart that's just learning how to be selfish, he truly hopes itsuki won't.

even if it'd make sense. even if it'd be fair. even if it's be sensible to step away from a weapon that won't let sentiment get in the way of necessity.

itsuki never does. if anything he feels closer than ever, his heartbeat under buzen's fingertips. buzen breathes in and lets the sensation save him.]

... I'll try. I don't know how much I'll succeed - [it's hard, to open himself up to this possibility of failure] - but you make me want to try.

[ . . . ]

In some ways, you save me too, Suki.

[It's not the first time he's heard this. Every dream he's made, every client he's met. Men and women who've wanted him to save them the the only way he knew how. Men and women who only ever wanted false assurances because his reality could never come close to what they needed. He'd let himself grow used to that. If the real him could never measure up, then why even try? Better to be whatever they want, even if it's false. That's what they've always wanted.

But Buzen's never wanted anything false from him. He's only ever wanted... him. And for him to say that Itsuki's saved him... Just Itsuki. No dreams, no illusions...]

You're the first one who's ever said that to me, you know?

[he says, so that Buzen knows -- just how precious those words mean to Itsuki.

their faces are already so close, but he leans in to bridge the last of the distance between them,]

[the first?

itsuki probably catches it - the look of surprise on buzen's expression before it melts away against the affection he receives. he tilts his head to better slot their mouths together, leaning into a second kiss even as soon as itsuki pulls away. as if it'll help reassure him of buzen's own feelings.

when he speaks again, his voice is soft - but certain]

... then I'll say it to you a lot, and often.

So you know how important you are to me - just how much I care about you.

[he laughs -- and it's a bright, fond laugh as he rests his forehead against buzen's]

Shall we say it every morning then? [kiss!] And every night? [another quick kiss!

he feels a little delirious with happiness. how could he have ever thought that love would be dangerous and painful? how could he, when it brought buzen to him? buzen who accepts him, and who itsuki accepts]

You saved me, Buzen. And that will never change.

[ ? ]

We can, if you want to.

[itsuki gets his KISSES itsuki gets his AFFIRMATIONS OF LOVE itsuki gets lITERALLY ANYTHING HE WANTS I'M LOSING MY MIND OVER IT]

Mm - but maybe we should check in with the others first. I can spend a long time talking about how much I love you.

[STOP STOP DONT SAY IT OUT LOUDDDD HELP HELPPPP

mmm, right -- their FAMILY MEETING that Itsuki was distracted from by his big horny... now he's less horny and more In Love.... he'll kiss Buzen on the cheek one last time before moving back, linking his hand with his]

That's a good idea. I'll probably spend just as long of a time too, maybe even longer.

[don't DON'T MAKE THIS COMPETITIVE HELP

squeezes his hand]

Shall we go?

Mm, yeah. [he glances out the window, like that's as good a way as any to check the time. he squeezes itsuki's hand once as he catches the setting sun] Kuwa's probably bringing in the harvest now... so we can go help out since I'm sure the others are there too.

Then we can eat dinner together.

[family dinner.... buzen will just gently tug itsuki along then, headed for Outside.]

So you'll get to meet all of them... Kotegiri's been in the Citadel the longest, then Kuwa and Matsu, then me, then Ame and Kumo.

[Itsuki's both nervous and excited. Even now, even after Buzen telling him he's enough -- there's a part of him that's a little anxious. He knows that he can get people to like him, but... he'd like it to be genuine this time. Or at least come from a place where he isn't pretending to be someone else.

At least he's already taken that first step. He glances at Buzen, studying the way the sun illuminates him, and his heart swells a little]

Is there a hierarchy here? Like a ranking by seniority...

[Ame clearly followed Buzen, but is that because Ame came after him or...]

Hierarchy....?

[he looks confused for a moment]

Mm, I don't think so... Unless you count Kotegiri calling me 'Leader'...?

[this is incorrect buzen is the unofficial leader of the gous they all follow what he says despite the fact that he is the dumbest of them all]

[WELL ITSUKI CAN'T READ META TEXT]

I think so?

[don't ask him the only leader type on his ship was a super S and even then itsuki barely listened to that guy]

What about when you're all on missions? Does he still treat you like a leader then?

Ah, on missions we normally have an assigned Captain.

[ . . . ]

Well, they still tend to know they can rely on me. They're all pretty strong personalities - and they can get strange at times... so I guess I just try to balance them all out and keep them happy.

[it's poly]

[

is this poly?]

Is it like when you're with Shuu-kun and Yasu-kun?

[THE ANMITSU HAVE STRONG PERSONALITIES AND CAN GET STRANGE TOO]

[blinks]

Is it?

I think the Gous tend to follow me more than those two...

[NO KASHUU AND YAMS FOLLOWED BUZEN'S DIRECTIONS PLENTY]

I think they followed you a lot?

[granted he was not added to a pc catchall until endgame but still,]

And I know they respected and trusted you, even when you were on the other side. [...] They both liked a lot of people in the prism, but they wouldn't have listened to them the way they listen to you.

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