[Itsuki can be so very selfish. Even now, with the sand stained scarlet from blood, and people dying all around him.
No one's pain matters more to him than Buzen's.
He moves, taking a step back.]
You don't have to.
[But the expression on his face is warm -- not unhappy or sad or resentful or jealous -- just warm with understanding. He reaches up to cup Buzen's face in both of his hands,]
I've already chosen you. What you want -- and what you have to do, I came here because I want to accept it.
[he wants to share in it, even if it's this. he can't take the guilt or fear away from buzen, that's not how dreams work. he can't manipulate what buzen would say or do, and he wouldn't want to anyway. itsuki has so much power in a dream, but so do his dreamers.]
...This is your dream too, Buzen. You have the power to change it. What I can do... you can too.
[he can stop it, he can keep going, but more importantly, he can save matsui in this one again, he can put itsuki somewhere safe, if that's what he wants.
dreams will always change according to one's heart.]
it never occurred to him before - because in truth, most of buzen's dreams are calm. but... the ones that aren't, they're always some variation of this. of shimabara, soaked in blood so vivid it feels like the ocean itself can't quite manage to wash it away.
he sighs out a breath as he leans into itsuki's touch and he - trusts him. he tries to let himself believe in this. he focuses, and the battlefield slows, slows.... until it comes to a pause. a moment to breathe, where buzen doesn't feel like he has to run or else matsui will already be gone.
but he can't bring himself to change it. because that would deviate history. even in a dream, it feels too close.]
.... I was worried about you being here - but I guess I didn't think about how I'd react to seeing you here.
[and the intensity of his emotions, lost and choppy as he tried to separate dream from memory]
I'm the one who pushed you to take me here. I didn't give you time to think about it.
[so itsuki can't exactly blame buzen, even if he had a single thought to. he looks around at the still landscape. if he squints, then could he make out matsui in the distance?]
And I broke one of my own rules. I shouldn't have just appeared out of nowhere -- I should have stayed hidden, like you said.
[he's never had a problem with hiding before. all the dreams he's seen while just a few steps away,]
...I guess I didn't think about how I'd react seeing you either.
[yea matsui is probably visible somewhere - sword not drawn, not just yet. always on the precipice of a breakdown, that one.
buzen frowns at that....]
... if you're still serious about wanting to go with me on missions, we need rules. And you're not allowed to break them. [because they'd be in place to protect not only itsuki, but history itself] ... ever.
[just trying to really impress that upon itsuki as much as humanly possible]
They'd be just as important as the rules that we follow as swords - like the fate of humanity rests on them.
[so it'll have to wait until they wake up. but itsuki has already promised, and buzen now expects that to be upheld. he moves to take a step back]
... I'm going to finish this dream. [no matter what that looks like. like history, probably. because even if itsuki say she has freedom, buzen will never want a freedom that is separate from his mission anyway.] I have to go get Matsu and...
[wipe them clean.
he sighs and his gaze seems clearer, less immediately distressed. he has to be steady for others now.]
... Go hide. Don't follow me. I'll come get you, when it's done.
[it's a little funny the way Itsuki finally comes to a realization. The way he thought that following Buzen on a mission would solve that problem of distance. It only speaks of his ignorance that he thought he could achieve that in the first place.
Should he have stayed home? In the citadel? Should he have never come here?
...Buzen tells him to hide and not to follow him. And Itsuki promised him that he'd follow the rules.]
...Mm. I'll be waiting.
[his form shifts, then wavers a little. the hem of his kimono turns into petals, and the rest of him follows -- just floating away on a breeze, up, up, into the air.
he can hide like this, and he can't follow. ...maybe he should have asked buzen if he could still watch -- not that he could turn away even if buzen wanted him to. the trouble about this power meant he'd see everything, no matter what.]
waiting for people that you want to see, waiting to be with your comrades, waiting without end. it is never for certain that you'll get to see who you want - if they even existed in the first place, or if their names are simply etched next to yours for history's sake only.
it's why buzen never quite grasped what itsuki wanted - to be with him? sure, sometimes. but not always. itsuki joining him on a mission would allow for downtime, the moments away from battles to be theirs. but it would never be as peaceful as their days in the citadel.
isn't' that alright though? isn't that what makes those sunny days spent napping and chatting all the more important?
that's what buzen thinks, even as he lets his sword cut into the peasants before they cut into matsui. the dream is back up to full speed and - despite knowing that the power is in his hands to change it... he doesn't. he doesn't deviate even a little from his memory. that's not his right, as a sword warrior. instead he and matsui complete their mission - until every last worshipper in this castle's walls are gone. only one boy is whisked away with the help of mikazuki munechika, and they all move to return to the citadel - and only then, at mission's end, does buzen let something change.
in this quiet place by the sea, stained with bloody, he will finally step toward where he hopes to find itsuki.]
petals rain down on buzen from above, and if he looks up then he'll see itsuki, slowly following. he doesn't wait for his feet to touch the ground, just opens his arms so he can fall into an embrace]
Buzen.
[he can hear the sea, smell the iron tang of blood. he breathes in deeply -- so he can remember the scent of blood and anemone. both integral parts of buzen,]
I meant what I said before. That I choose you.
[even in this stained place by the sea. he feels sorry too, because buzen had to show him this at his own behest. is there a difference between a dream and a forced memory?
...he can't change what he's done. but he can at least tell buzen how he feels.]
[buzen will catch itsuki then, sighing as he takes in the familiar weight of him into his arms. he's probably covered in blood - not too different from how itsuki already had to welcome him home but...
this is a dream, he reminds himself. even though nothing is all that different from the original rebellion... it's a dream, isn't it?]
... thank you for choosing me.
[even if right now buzen feels a little more severe, a little more sword-like.
he'll try to ease back into his usual countenance, at least, for itsuki.]
[If it would change anything, then Itsuki would make it all go away with a sweep of his hand. But it wouldn't change anything, besides erase an event that had really happened -- that Buzen had seen with his own eyes.
He'd been shocked -- and then so resolute in his focus that he hadn't allowed himself to get lose in the tragedy unfurling around him. But seeing Buzen finish the dream the exact way it must have happened in reality... He could feel the anguish of that moment, for matsui, for all those who died here.
scary, huh...]
It... [...] It's so sad.
[he can only offer that, without dressing it up in something pretty.]
That humans are capable of this, and that this counts as history.
this is a place tinged with regret and pain, with so much suffering with the intention of leaving a mark. so that it would never be repeated again, supposedly, and yet....]
... a lot of history looks like this.
[difficult, bloody, terrible.]
... it's why I don't want you to have to see it. At least... not this close.
[Itsuki's never had a real opinion on humanity as a whole. Some humans are good, some humans are bad. But he's always known that the decisions of a few will always decide the fate of many.]
...It's hard to watch, but it'd be worse if I looked away.
[...Is that a consequence of humanity? Or something that's just fated to be? He takes Buzen's hand in his as he steps back to look around once more.]
You and the others will always preserve history. Whether it's beautiful or ugly... that part depends on humans. [...] So I think I needed to see this -- one way or another.
[buzen will let itsuki take his hand - and despite knowing that the battle is over, his other still rests against the hilt of his sword. he will remain on guard until they leave the battlefield itself, most likely, whether that be through the end of the dream or something else.
the scent of blood intermingles with the salt of the ocean air.]
... I would rather you only get to see beautiful things.
[even if it's a little unreasonable, or selfish]
Our battles aren't yours. I... don't want you to feel like you're beholden to anything we do, just because you chose me.
[ . . . . by his side, huh. buzen thinks about this dream, where he sent itsuki away. buzen lets his thumb run over itsuki's knuckles - as close to a gesture of affection as he can manage for now.]
.... are you unhappy?
That I can't be with you whenever we're on the battlefield? [a beat] No, that I... don't want to be with you - because I don't want you to be here at all?
[It's not a sentiment he's surprised to hear, considering how Buzen -- who always tries to give Itsuki everything -- held out for so long for this. He hums a little,]
Yes and no.
Yes, because I always want to be near you. And no, because... I think that's love too. When you don't want someone near because you don't want to hurt them.
[he wonders if buzen will find that hard to understand -- when buzen has always wanted to protect others with his own power, and with his own presence.]
So it makes me happy, because you're trying to keep me safe.
[ . . . . he nods a little bit at that because - it's closer. buzen will always be there to help people through their darkest hours, but... there is still some sense that itsuki doesn't belong in a battlefield. not truly. it's not his fight. it's not like matsui, who was always meant to be here and needed help getting through it.
if there are choices that can be made to spare itsuki, buzen wants to make them. as they walk through the remains of the castle - buzen will shift, pulling itsuki along closer to the sea instead. some of the sand is still stained with blood - soldiers marched through here, too - but.
it is quiet.]
.... it wasn't always like this. We were on this mission for a few months. Parts of it... I still didn't like, because it required - lying to people. Everyone that was gathered here was because of us, because they needed to die. It was like luring them to their end.
[ . . . ]
But we shared food with them, what little we had. We played with the kids, and sang songs. Even if it makes the ending of it... sadder...
[he squeezes itsuki's hand]
... those parts, I think I'd allow you to be close for. Just - nothing where it can be too close to losing you.
[The massacre was terrible to behold, but the context behind it? Having to hear that Buzen and the others were required to be present at every point of this tragedy? That they had to live through it too?
Is that why swords were given human hearts? Would their aruji ever answer Itsuki if he asked? He feels restless, and for a brief moment he looks upset,
though he lets himself relax when Buzen squeezes his hand.]
...Mm, okay. I can do that.
[he'd never really expected to stay with Buzen on the actual battlefield. He hadn't done so back in the prism, and that had been when Buzen and the others were less themselves -- maybe closer to humans. What chance would Itsuki have now that they're back to their normal selves?
...But when it comes to the parts Buzen will allow -- those feel even sadder. Those feel like parts of a mission that Itsuki would like to share with him,]
...What happened after it all ended? Do you know?
[were they buried? seen to? or was this just a footnote? a warning -- for all those who'll come after]
anyway buzen will just look out at the ocean as he thinks about it. what did come after?]
.... I don't know the details. We - left pretty quickly after. When everyone else left just now... I went with them - I had to watch Matsu.
[who was still so anguished, moments after crying his heart out. buzen frowns at the memory.]
... life went on, which is what is meant to happen. If we don't follow our missions... the world can become corrupted. Our bodies too - if we deviate from history. But... we have to allow things like this to happen, for the sake of the future.
They're on the shore now, walking along the sand -- still stained red. Itsuki's heard a little bit about those consequences thanks to that adventure the others went on, but...]
When you say corrupted... what does that mean exactly?
.... if the world deviates too much from history, the timeline gets abandoned. All the humans... they change, they want to kill everything and everyone. There's no saving them. So they'll keep destroying everything until there's nothing left in the world... and humanity is wiped out.
When we first arrived in the Prism... when it was grey, dark, and empty - I'd thought that I had traveled to one of those abandoned worlds somehow, except there were so many people there.
But if I could make a comparison... that would be it.
[hm...... bad! wow! very bad! me realizing that this is the two month thread so itsuki might have heard a little about about abandoned worlds from the other swords, but would they talk about it with a squishy human,]
...What does that mean for swords? You said your bodies can get corrupted too...
aruji really said 'gous can go to the abandon world and pave some roads for fun' like for real aruji there's not even people there anymore why are you doing this
anyway,]
... well, we lose sight of ourselves and become a little like our enemies. They're the ones who want to change history, after all.
So there wouldn't be much different anymore - between us and them - if we lost sight of our mission.
Itsuki's silent because for a moment he's like 'wait if corrupted swords are like historical revisionists then is the enemy just swords and if so did the baruji fcking start all of this on his own or did someone else just randomly start summoning swords to change history hello'
this is probably the most thinking itsuki's done since he's been in the prism, it's a little dizzying, getting lost in the circle of his thoughts.
he's never cared to think too hard about his own situation. but when it involves the people he loves... he squeezes Buzen's hand, as if comforting himself that he's here with him, both asleep and awake.]
...I knew that it was serious, but I... understand a little better now. ...Thank you.
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no subject
No one's pain matters more to him than Buzen's.
He moves, taking a step back.]
You don't have to.
[But the expression on his face is warm -- not unhappy or sad or resentful or jealous -- just warm with understanding. He reaches up to cup Buzen's face in both of his hands,]
I've already chosen you. What you want -- and what you have to do, I came here because I want to accept it.
[he wants to share in it, even if it's this. he can't take the guilt or fear away from buzen, that's not how dreams work. he can't manipulate what buzen would say or do, and he wouldn't want to anyway. itsuki has so much power in a dream, but so do his dreamers.]
...This is your dream too, Buzen. You have the power to change it. What I can do... you can too.
[he can stop it, he can keep going, but more importantly, he can save matsui in this one again, he can put itsuki somewhere safe, if that's what he wants.
dreams will always change according to one's heart.]
no subject
it never occurred to him before - because in truth, most of buzen's dreams are calm. but... the ones that aren't, they're always some variation of this. of shimabara, soaked in blood so vivid it feels like the ocean itself can't quite manage to wash it away.
he sighs out a breath as he leans into itsuki's touch and he - trusts him. he tries to let himself believe in this. he focuses, and the battlefield slows, slows.... until it comes to a pause. a moment to breathe, where buzen doesn't feel like he has to run or else matsui will already be gone.
but he can't bring himself to change it. because that would deviate history. even in a dream, it feels too close.]
.... I was worried about you being here - but I guess I didn't think about how I'd react to seeing you here.
[and the intensity of his emotions, lost and choppy as he tried to separate dream from memory]
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[so itsuki can't exactly blame buzen, even if he had a single thought to. he looks around at the still landscape. if he squints, then could he make out matsui in the distance?]
And I broke one of my own rules. I shouldn't have just appeared out of nowhere -- I should have stayed hidden, like you said.
[he's never had a problem with hiding before. all the dreams he's seen while just a few steps away,]
...I guess I didn't think about how I'd react seeing you either.
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buzen frowns at that....]
... if you're still serious about wanting to go with me on missions, we need rules. And you're not allowed to break them. [because they'd be in place to protect not only itsuki, but history itself] ... ever.
[just trying to really impress that upon itsuki as much as humanly possible]
They'd be just as important as the rules that we follow as swords - like the fate of humanity rests on them.
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Itsuki looks at Buzen's hands like he's thinking of reaching for him. Instead, he tilts his head up to meet his serious expression,]
...I promise I won't break them.
[JUST IMMEDIATELY PROMISING DESPITE SEEING PARAISO AND ALL THIS DEATH,]
What do I have to do?
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... I'll talk about it with Aruji.
[so it'll have to wait until they wake up. but itsuki has already promised, and buzen now expects that to be upheld. he moves to take a step back]
... I'm going to finish this dream. [no matter what that looks like. like history, probably. because even if itsuki say she has freedom, buzen will never want a freedom that is separate from his mission anyway.] I have to go get Matsu and...
[wipe them clean.
he sighs and his gaze seems clearer, less immediately distressed. he has to be steady for others now.]
... Go hide. Don't follow me. I'll come get you, when it's done.
no subject
Should he have stayed home? In the citadel? Should he have never come here?
...Buzen tells him to hide and not to follow him. And Itsuki promised him that he'd follow the rules.]
...Mm. I'll be waiting.
[his form shifts, then wavers a little. the hem of his kimono turns into petals, and the rest of him follows -- just floating away on a breeze, up, up, into the air.
he can hide like this, and he can't follow. ...maybe he should have asked buzen if he could still watch -- not that he could turn away even if buzen wanted him to. the trouble about this power meant he'd see everything, no matter what.]
no subject
waiting for people that you want to see, waiting to be with your comrades, waiting without end. it is never for certain that you'll get to see who you want - if they even existed in the first place, or if their names are simply etched next to yours for history's sake only.
it's why buzen never quite grasped what itsuki wanted - to be with him? sure, sometimes. but not always. itsuki joining him on a mission would allow for downtime, the moments away from battles to be theirs. but it would never be as peaceful as their days in the citadel.
isn't' that alright though? isn't that what makes those sunny days spent napping and chatting all the more important?
that's what buzen thinks, even as he lets his sword cut into the peasants before they cut into matsui. the dream is back up to full speed and - despite knowing that the power is in his hands to change it... he doesn't. he doesn't deviate even a little from his memory. that's not his right, as a sword warrior. instead he and matsui complete their mission - until every last worshipper in this castle's walls are gone. only one boy is whisked away with the help of mikazuki munechika, and they all move to return to the citadel - and only then, at mission's end, does buzen let something change.
in this quiet place by the sea, stained with bloody, he will finally step toward where he hopes to find itsuki.]
... Suki, it's over.
[the massacre is complete.
is this what itsuki expected?]
no subject
petals rain down on buzen from above, and if he looks up then he'll see itsuki, slowly following. he doesn't wait for his feet to touch the ground, just opens his arms so he can fall into an embrace]
Buzen.
[he can hear the sea, smell the iron tang of blood. he breathes in deeply -- so he can remember the scent of blood and anemone. both integral parts of buzen,]
I meant what I said before. That I choose you.
[even in this stained place by the sea. he feels sorry too, because buzen had to show him this at his own behest. is there a difference between a dream and a forced memory?
...he can't change what he's done. but he can at least tell buzen how he feels.]
no subject
this is a dream, he reminds himself. even though nothing is all that different from the original rebellion... it's a dream, isn't it?]
... thank you for choosing me.
[even if right now buzen feels a little more severe, a little more sword-like.
he'll try to ease back into his usual countenance, at least, for itsuki.]
It must seem scary.
no subject
He'd been shocked -- and then so resolute in his focus that he hadn't allowed himself to get lose in the tragedy unfurling around him. But seeing Buzen finish the dream the exact way it must have happened in reality... He could feel the anguish of that moment, for matsui, for all those who died here.
scary, huh...]
It... [...] It's so sad.
[he can only offer that, without dressing it up in something pretty.]
That humans are capable of this, and that this counts as history.
no subject
this is a place tinged with regret and pain, with so much suffering with the intention of leaving a mark. so that it would never be repeated again, supposedly, and yet....]
... a lot of history looks like this.
[difficult, bloody, terrible.]
... it's why I don't want you to have to see it. At least... not this close.
no subject
...It's hard to watch, but it'd be worse if I looked away.
[...Is that a consequence of humanity? Or something that's just fated to be? He takes Buzen's hand in his as he steps back to look around once more.]
You and the others will always preserve history. Whether it's beautiful or ugly... that part depends on humans. [...] So I think I needed to see this -- one way or another.
no subject
the scent of blood intermingles with the salt of the ocean air.]
... I would rather you only get to see beautiful things.
[even if it's a little unreasonable, or selfish]
Our battles aren't yours. I... don't want you to feel like you're beholden to anything we do, just because you chose me.
no subject
Itsuki can't change that part about Buzen any more than he can change history itself.]
...I've looked at beautiful things all my life. And I've tried living in that kind of world for a very long time.
[he turns his head to look at Buzen,]
I would have had to wake up sooner or later. ....So I'm pretty lucky, I think. That you were here by my side when I did
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.... are you unhappy?
That I can't be with you whenever we're on the battlefield? [a beat] No, that I... don't want to be with you - because I don't want you to be here at all?
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Yes and no.
Yes, because I always want to be near you. And no, because... I think that's love too. When you don't want someone near because you don't want to hurt them.
[he wonders if buzen will find that hard to understand -- when buzen has always wanted to protect others with his own power, and with his own presence.]
So it makes me happy, because you're trying to keep me safe.
no subject
if there are choices that can be made to spare itsuki, buzen wants to make them. as they walk through the remains of the castle - buzen will shift, pulling itsuki along closer to the sea instead. some of the sand is still stained with blood - soldiers marched through here, too - but.
it is quiet.]
.... it wasn't always like this. We were on this mission for a few months. Parts of it... I still didn't like, because it required - lying to people. Everyone that was gathered here was because of us, because they needed to die. It was like luring them to their end.
[ . . . ]
But we shared food with them, what little we had. We played with the kids, and sang songs. Even if it makes the ending of it... sadder...
[he squeezes itsuki's hand]
... those parts, I think I'd allow you to be close for. Just - nothing where it can be too close to losing you.
no subject
Is that why swords were given human hearts? Would their aruji ever answer Itsuki if he asked? He feels restless, and for a brief moment he looks upset,
though he lets himself relax when Buzen squeezes his hand.]
...Mm, okay. I can do that.
[he'd never really expected to stay with Buzen on the actual battlefield. He hadn't done so back in the prism, and that had been when Buzen and the others were less themselves -- maybe closer to humans. What chance would Itsuki have now that they're back to their normal selves?
...But when it comes to the parts Buzen will allow -- those feel even sadder. Those feel like parts of a mission that Itsuki would like to share with him,]
...What happened after it all ended? Do you know?
[were they buried? seen to? or was this just a footnote? a warning -- for all those who'll come after]
no subject
anyway buzen will just look out at the ocean as he thinks about it. what did come after?]
.... I don't know the details. We - left pretty quickly after. When everyone else left just now... I went with them - I had to watch Matsu.
[who was still so anguished, moments after crying his heart out. buzen frowns at the memory.]
... life went on, which is what is meant to happen. If we don't follow our missions... the world can become corrupted. Our bodies too - if we deviate from history. But... we have to allow things like this to happen, for the sake of the future.
no subject
They're on the shore now, walking along the sand -- still stained red. Itsuki's heard a little bit about those consequences thanks to that adventure the others went on, but...]
When you say corrupted... what does that mean exactly?
no subject
.... if the world deviates too much from history, the timeline gets abandoned. All the humans... they change, they want to kill everything and everyone. There's no saving them. So they'll keep destroying everything until there's nothing left in the world... and humanity is wiped out.
When we first arrived in the Prism... when it was grey, dark, and empty - I'd thought that I had traveled to one of those abandoned worlds somehow, except there were so many people there.
But if I could make a comparison... that would be it.
no subject
...What does that mean for swords? You said your bodies can get corrupted too...
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aruji really said 'gous can go to the abandon world and pave some roads for fun' like for real aruji there's not even people there anymore why are you doing this
anyway,]
... well, we lose sight of ourselves and become a little like our enemies. They're the ones who want to change history, after all.
So there wouldn't be much different anymore - between us and them - if we lost sight of our mission.
no subject
Itsuki's silent because for a moment he's like 'wait if corrupted swords are like historical revisionists then is the enemy just swords and if so did the baruji fcking start all of this on his own or did someone else just randomly start summoning swords to change history hello'
this is probably the most thinking itsuki's done since he's been in the prism, it's a little dizzying, getting lost in the circle of his thoughts.
he's never cared to think too hard about his own situation. but when it involves the people he loves... he squeezes Buzen's hand, as if comforting himself that he's here with him, both asleep and awake.]
...I knew that it was serious, but I... understand a little better now. ...Thank you.
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