[it's a little funny the way Itsuki finally comes to a realization. The way he thought that following Buzen on a mission would solve that problem of distance. It only speaks of his ignorance that he thought he could achieve that in the first place.
Should he have stayed home? In the citadel? Should he have never come here?
...Buzen tells him to hide and not to follow him. And Itsuki promised him that he'd follow the rules.]
...Mm. I'll be waiting.
[his form shifts, then wavers a little. the hem of his kimono turns into petals, and the rest of him follows -- just floating away on a breeze, up, up, into the air.
he can hide like this, and he can't follow. ...maybe he should have asked buzen if he could still watch -- not that he could turn away even if buzen wanted him to. the trouble about this power meant he'd see everything, no matter what.]
waiting for people that you want to see, waiting to be with your comrades, waiting without end. it is never for certain that you'll get to see who you want - if they even existed in the first place, or if their names are simply etched next to yours for history's sake only.
it's why buzen never quite grasped what itsuki wanted - to be with him? sure, sometimes. but not always. itsuki joining him on a mission would allow for downtime, the moments away from battles to be theirs. but it would never be as peaceful as their days in the citadel.
isn't' that alright though? isn't that what makes those sunny days spent napping and chatting all the more important?
that's what buzen thinks, even as he lets his sword cut into the peasants before they cut into matsui. the dream is back up to full speed and - despite knowing that the power is in his hands to change it... he doesn't. he doesn't deviate even a little from his memory. that's not his right, as a sword warrior. instead he and matsui complete their mission - until every last worshipper in this castle's walls are gone. only one boy is whisked away with the help of mikazuki munechika, and they all move to return to the citadel - and only then, at mission's end, does buzen let something change.
in this quiet place by the sea, stained with bloody, he will finally step toward where he hopes to find itsuki.]
petals rain down on buzen from above, and if he looks up then he'll see itsuki, slowly following. he doesn't wait for his feet to touch the ground, just opens his arms so he can fall into an embrace]
Buzen.
[he can hear the sea, smell the iron tang of blood. he breathes in deeply -- so he can remember the scent of blood and anemone. both integral parts of buzen,]
I meant what I said before. That I choose you.
[even in this stained place by the sea. he feels sorry too, because buzen had to show him this at his own behest. is there a difference between a dream and a forced memory?
...he can't change what he's done. but he can at least tell buzen how he feels.]
[buzen will catch itsuki then, sighing as he takes in the familiar weight of him into his arms. he's probably covered in blood - not too different from how itsuki already had to welcome him home but...
this is a dream, he reminds himself. even though nothing is all that different from the original rebellion... it's a dream, isn't it?]
... thank you for choosing me.
[even if right now buzen feels a little more severe, a little more sword-like.
he'll try to ease back into his usual countenance, at least, for itsuki.]
[If it would change anything, then Itsuki would make it all go away with a sweep of his hand. But it wouldn't change anything, besides erase an event that had really happened -- that Buzen had seen with his own eyes.
He'd been shocked -- and then so resolute in his focus that he hadn't allowed himself to get lose in the tragedy unfurling around him. But seeing Buzen finish the dream the exact way it must have happened in reality... He could feel the anguish of that moment, for matsui, for all those who died here.
scary, huh...]
It... [...] It's so sad.
[he can only offer that, without dressing it up in something pretty.]
That humans are capable of this, and that this counts as history.
this is a place tinged with regret and pain, with so much suffering with the intention of leaving a mark. so that it would never be repeated again, supposedly, and yet....]
... a lot of history looks like this.
[difficult, bloody, terrible.]
... it's why I don't want you to have to see it. At least... not this close.
[Itsuki's never had a real opinion on humanity as a whole. Some humans are good, some humans are bad. But he's always known that the decisions of a few will always decide the fate of many.]
...It's hard to watch, but it'd be worse if I looked away.
[...Is that a consequence of humanity? Or something that's just fated to be? He takes Buzen's hand in his as he steps back to look around once more.]
You and the others will always preserve history. Whether it's beautiful or ugly... that part depends on humans. [...] So I think I needed to see this -- one way or another.
[buzen will let itsuki take his hand - and despite knowing that the battle is over, his other still rests against the hilt of his sword. he will remain on guard until they leave the battlefield itself, most likely, whether that be through the end of the dream or something else.
the scent of blood intermingles with the salt of the ocean air.]
... I would rather you only get to see beautiful things.
[even if it's a little unreasonable, or selfish]
Our battles aren't yours. I... don't want you to feel like you're beholden to anything we do, just because you chose me.
[ . . . . by his side, huh. buzen thinks about this dream, where he sent itsuki away. buzen lets his thumb run over itsuki's knuckles - as close to a gesture of affection as he can manage for now.]
.... are you unhappy?
That I can't be with you whenever we're on the battlefield? [a beat] No, that I... don't want to be with you - because I don't want you to be here at all?
[It's not a sentiment he's surprised to hear, considering how Buzen -- who always tries to give Itsuki everything -- held out for so long for this. He hums a little,]
Yes and no.
Yes, because I always want to be near you. And no, because... I think that's love too. When you don't want someone near because you don't want to hurt them.
[he wonders if buzen will find that hard to understand -- when buzen has always wanted to protect others with his own power, and with his own presence.]
So it makes me happy, because you're trying to keep me safe.
[ . . . . he nods a little bit at that because - it's closer. buzen will always be there to help people through their darkest hours, but... there is still some sense that itsuki doesn't belong in a battlefield. not truly. it's not his fight. it's not like matsui, who was always meant to be here and needed help getting through it.
if there are choices that can be made to spare itsuki, buzen wants to make them. as they walk through the remains of the castle - buzen will shift, pulling itsuki along closer to the sea instead. some of the sand is still stained with blood - soldiers marched through here, too - but.
it is quiet.]
.... it wasn't always like this. We were on this mission for a few months. Parts of it... I still didn't like, because it required - lying to people. Everyone that was gathered here was because of us, because they needed to die. It was like luring them to their end.
[ . . . ]
But we shared food with them, what little we had. We played with the kids, and sang songs. Even if it makes the ending of it... sadder...
[he squeezes itsuki's hand]
... those parts, I think I'd allow you to be close for. Just - nothing where it can be too close to losing you.
[The massacre was terrible to behold, but the context behind it? Having to hear that Buzen and the others were required to be present at every point of this tragedy? That they had to live through it too?
Is that why swords were given human hearts? Would their aruji ever answer Itsuki if he asked? He feels restless, and for a brief moment he looks upset,
though he lets himself relax when Buzen squeezes his hand.]
...Mm, okay. I can do that.
[he'd never really expected to stay with Buzen on the actual battlefield. He hadn't done so back in the prism, and that had been when Buzen and the others were less themselves -- maybe closer to humans. What chance would Itsuki have now that they're back to their normal selves?
...But when it comes to the parts Buzen will allow -- those feel even sadder. Those feel like parts of a mission that Itsuki would like to share with him,]
...What happened after it all ended? Do you know?
[were they buried? seen to? or was this just a footnote? a warning -- for all those who'll come after]
anyway buzen will just look out at the ocean as he thinks about it. what did come after?]
.... I don't know the details. We - left pretty quickly after. When everyone else left just now... I went with them - I had to watch Matsu.
[who was still so anguished, moments after crying his heart out. buzen frowns at the memory.]
... life went on, which is what is meant to happen. If we don't follow our missions... the world can become corrupted. Our bodies too - if we deviate from history. But... we have to allow things like this to happen, for the sake of the future.
They're on the shore now, walking along the sand -- still stained red. Itsuki's heard a little bit about those consequences thanks to that adventure the others went on, but...]
When you say corrupted... what does that mean exactly?
.... if the world deviates too much from history, the timeline gets abandoned. All the humans... they change, they want to kill everything and everyone. There's no saving them. So they'll keep destroying everything until there's nothing left in the world... and humanity is wiped out.
When we first arrived in the Prism... when it was grey, dark, and empty - I'd thought that I had traveled to one of those abandoned worlds somehow, except there were so many people there.
But if I could make a comparison... that would be it.
[hm...... bad! wow! very bad! me realizing that this is the two month thread so itsuki might have heard a little about about abandoned worlds from the other swords, but would they talk about it with a squishy human,]
...What does that mean for swords? You said your bodies can get corrupted too...
aruji really said 'gous can go to the abandon world and pave some roads for fun' like for real aruji there's not even people there anymore why are you doing this
anyway,]
... well, we lose sight of ourselves and become a little like our enemies. They're the ones who want to change history, after all.
So there wouldn't be much different anymore - between us and them - if we lost sight of our mission.
Itsuki's silent because for a moment he's like 'wait if corrupted swords are like historical revisionists then is the enemy just swords and if so did the baruji fcking start all of this on his own or did someone else just randomly start summoning swords to change history hello'
this is probably the most thinking itsuki's done since he's been in the prism, it's a little dizzying, getting lost in the circle of his thoughts.
he's never cared to think too hard about his own situation. but when it involves the people he loves... he squeezes Buzen's hand, as if comforting himself that he's here with him, both asleep and awake.]
...I knew that it was serious, but I... understand a little better now. ...Thank you.
[buzen takes a breath then, as if centering himself. it's hard, when shimabara was - difficult. he was steady throughout it, focused on everyone else, but it took its own type of toll on him.
he knows just how hard this history is.]
You're welcome.
The mission comes before everything else to me... but I want to do what I can to help you understand it too.
[Slowly, but steadily, the pieces fall into place. The naked fear on Buzen's face, his confusion, the words 'don't make me choose between my mission or you'.
...for buzen, the nightmare is more than just shimabara.
He looks at their joined hands.]
I won't do anything that will compromise your existence.
[a corrupted world sounds terrible, but a changed buzen sounds worse.]
So if that means preserving history by watching what you and the others do, without interfering... then that's what I'll do.
[ . . . it's funny - because to buzen, his singular corrupted existence would be fine to endure if it means saving some people. but what he can't allow is for allowing an entire timeline to fall to ruin for one person.
not even itsuki.
he gives itsuki's hand a squeeze and shuts his eyes]
.... okay. Then, as long as we can promise that... then it should be okay.
[Itsuki steps close when Buzen shuts his eyes, just close enough.
He doesn't say anything, but Buzen will feel something velvety touching his face -- and when he opens his eyes, he'll see a white chrysanthemum in Itsuki's hand.
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no subject
Should he have stayed home? In the citadel? Should he have never come here?
...Buzen tells him to hide and not to follow him. And Itsuki promised him that he'd follow the rules.]
...Mm. I'll be waiting.
[his form shifts, then wavers a little. the hem of his kimono turns into petals, and the rest of him follows -- just floating away on a breeze, up, up, into the air.
he can hide like this, and he can't follow. ...maybe he should have asked buzen if he could still watch -- not that he could turn away even if buzen wanted him to. the trouble about this power meant he'd see everything, no matter what.]
no subject
waiting for people that you want to see, waiting to be with your comrades, waiting without end. it is never for certain that you'll get to see who you want - if they even existed in the first place, or if their names are simply etched next to yours for history's sake only.
it's why buzen never quite grasped what itsuki wanted - to be with him? sure, sometimes. but not always. itsuki joining him on a mission would allow for downtime, the moments away from battles to be theirs. but it would never be as peaceful as their days in the citadel.
isn't' that alright though? isn't that what makes those sunny days spent napping and chatting all the more important?
that's what buzen thinks, even as he lets his sword cut into the peasants before they cut into matsui. the dream is back up to full speed and - despite knowing that the power is in his hands to change it... he doesn't. he doesn't deviate even a little from his memory. that's not his right, as a sword warrior. instead he and matsui complete their mission - until every last worshipper in this castle's walls are gone. only one boy is whisked away with the help of mikazuki munechika, and they all move to return to the citadel - and only then, at mission's end, does buzen let something change.
in this quiet place by the sea, stained with bloody, he will finally step toward where he hopes to find itsuki.]
... Suki, it's over.
[the massacre is complete.
is this what itsuki expected?]
no subject
petals rain down on buzen from above, and if he looks up then he'll see itsuki, slowly following. he doesn't wait for his feet to touch the ground, just opens his arms so he can fall into an embrace]
Buzen.
[he can hear the sea, smell the iron tang of blood. he breathes in deeply -- so he can remember the scent of blood and anemone. both integral parts of buzen,]
I meant what I said before. That I choose you.
[even in this stained place by the sea. he feels sorry too, because buzen had to show him this at his own behest. is there a difference between a dream and a forced memory?
...he can't change what he's done. but he can at least tell buzen how he feels.]
no subject
this is a dream, he reminds himself. even though nothing is all that different from the original rebellion... it's a dream, isn't it?]
... thank you for choosing me.
[even if right now buzen feels a little more severe, a little more sword-like.
he'll try to ease back into his usual countenance, at least, for itsuki.]
It must seem scary.
no subject
He'd been shocked -- and then so resolute in his focus that he hadn't allowed himself to get lose in the tragedy unfurling around him. But seeing Buzen finish the dream the exact way it must have happened in reality... He could feel the anguish of that moment, for matsui, for all those who died here.
scary, huh...]
It... [...] It's so sad.
[he can only offer that, without dressing it up in something pretty.]
That humans are capable of this, and that this counts as history.
no subject
this is a place tinged with regret and pain, with so much suffering with the intention of leaving a mark. so that it would never be repeated again, supposedly, and yet....]
... a lot of history looks like this.
[difficult, bloody, terrible.]
... it's why I don't want you to have to see it. At least... not this close.
no subject
...It's hard to watch, but it'd be worse if I looked away.
[...Is that a consequence of humanity? Or something that's just fated to be? He takes Buzen's hand in his as he steps back to look around once more.]
You and the others will always preserve history. Whether it's beautiful or ugly... that part depends on humans. [...] So I think I needed to see this -- one way or another.
no subject
the scent of blood intermingles with the salt of the ocean air.]
... I would rather you only get to see beautiful things.
[even if it's a little unreasonable, or selfish]
Our battles aren't yours. I... don't want you to feel like you're beholden to anything we do, just because you chose me.
no subject
Itsuki can't change that part about Buzen any more than he can change history itself.]
...I've looked at beautiful things all my life. And I've tried living in that kind of world for a very long time.
[he turns his head to look at Buzen,]
I would have had to wake up sooner or later. ....So I'm pretty lucky, I think. That you were here by my side when I did
no subject
.... are you unhappy?
That I can't be with you whenever we're on the battlefield? [a beat] No, that I... don't want to be with you - because I don't want you to be here at all?
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Yes and no.
Yes, because I always want to be near you. And no, because... I think that's love too. When you don't want someone near because you don't want to hurt them.
[he wonders if buzen will find that hard to understand -- when buzen has always wanted to protect others with his own power, and with his own presence.]
So it makes me happy, because you're trying to keep me safe.
no subject
if there are choices that can be made to spare itsuki, buzen wants to make them. as they walk through the remains of the castle - buzen will shift, pulling itsuki along closer to the sea instead. some of the sand is still stained with blood - soldiers marched through here, too - but.
it is quiet.]
.... it wasn't always like this. We were on this mission for a few months. Parts of it... I still didn't like, because it required - lying to people. Everyone that was gathered here was because of us, because they needed to die. It was like luring them to their end.
[ . . . ]
But we shared food with them, what little we had. We played with the kids, and sang songs. Even if it makes the ending of it... sadder...
[he squeezes itsuki's hand]
... those parts, I think I'd allow you to be close for. Just - nothing where it can be too close to losing you.
no subject
Is that why swords were given human hearts? Would their aruji ever answer Itsuki if he asked? He feels restless, and for a brief moment he looks upset,
though he lets himself relax when Buzen squeezes his hand.]
...Mm, okay. I can do that.
[he'd never really expected to stay with Buzen on the actual battlefield. He hadn't done so back in the prism, and that had been when Buzen and the others were less themselves -- maybe closer to humans. What chance would Itsuki have now that they're back to their normal selves?
...But when it comes to the parts Buzen will allow -- those feel even sadder. Those feel like parts of a mission that Itsuki would like to share with him,]
...What happened after it all ended? Do you know?
[were they buried? seen to? or was this just a footnote? a warning -- for all those who'll come after]
no subject
anyway buzen will just look out at the ocean as he thinks about it. what did come after?]
.... I don't know the details. We - left pretty quickly after. When everyone else left just now... I went with them - I had to watch Matsu.
[who was still so anguished, moments after crying his heart out. buzen frowns at the memory.]
... life went on, which is what is meant to happen. If we don't follow our missions... the world can become corrupted. Our bodies too - if we deviate from history. But... we have to allow things like this to happen, for the sake of the future.
no subject
They're on the shore now, walking along the sand -- still stained red. Itsuki's heard a little bit about those consequences thanks to that adventure the others went on, but...]
When you say corrupted... what does that mean exactly?
no subject
.... if the world deviates too much from history, the timeline gets abandoned. All the humans... they change, they want to kill everything and everyone. There's no saving them. So they'll keep destroying everything until there's nothing left in the world... and humanity is wiped out.
When we first arrived in the Prism... when it was grey, dark, and empty - I'd thought that I had traveled to one of those abandoned worlds somehow, except there were so many people there.
But if I could make a comparison... that would be it.
no subject
...What does that mean for swords? You said your bodies can get corrupted too...
no subject
aruji really said 'gous can go to the abandon world and pave some roads for fun' like for real aruji there's not even people there anymore why are you doing this
anyway,]
... well, we lose sight of ourselves and become a little like our enemies. They're the ones who want to change history, after all.
So there wouldn't be much different anymore - between us and them - if we lost sight of our mission.
no subject
Itsuki's silent because for a moment he's like 'wait if corrupted swords are like historical revisionists then is the enemy just swords and if so did the baruji fcking start all of this on his own or did someone else just randomly start summoning swords to change history hello'
this is probably the most thinking itsuki's done since he's been in the prism, it's a little dizzying, getting lost in the circle of his thoughts.
he's never cared to think too hard about his own situation. but when it involves the people he loves... he squeezes Buzen's hand, as if comforting himself that he's here with him, both asleep and awake.]
...I knew that it was serious, but I... understand a little better now. ...Thank you.
no subject
[buzen takes a breath then, as if centering himself. it's hard, when shimabara was - difficult. he was steady throughout it, focused on everyone else, but it took its own type of toll on him.
he knows just how hard this history is.]
You're welcome.
The mission comes before everything else to me... but I want to do what I can to help you understand it too.
no subject
...for buzen, the nightmare is more than just shimabara.
He looks at their joined hands.]
I won't do anything that will compromise your existence.
[a corrupted world sounds terrible, but a changed buzen sounds worse.]
So if that means preserving history by watching what you and the others do, without interfering... then that's what I'll do.
no subject
not even itsuki.
he gives itsuki's hand a squeeze and shuts his eyes]
.... okay. Then, as long as we can promise that... then it should be okay.
no subject
He doesn't say anything, but Buzen will feel something velvety touching his face -- and when he opens his eyes, he'll see a white chrysanthemum in Itsuki's hand.
flower bop]
no subject
bop?
buzen blinks even as he sees the flower, and then just tilts his head gently]
... flower?
no subject
I won't ever try to change history.
[the history that buzen and his comrades have sworn to protect,]
But this is a dream. Whatever happens here -- it'll only ever exist in our minds.
[he holds out the chrysanthemum, gesturing for buzen to take it]
You said you left after, right? ...Maybe this time you can stay a little... and say goodbye.
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