sugarcube | psl || like a ripple that chases the slightest caress of the breeze

[buzen's hand feels warm on his skin, and itsuki thinks of all the words he wants to say --

but there's no time. buzen pushes him forward and itsuki takes the hint for once, running with the thought 'the faster i run the faster buzen will too' beating a rhythm in his head. more and more soldiers catch sight of them, and more and more head towards them. one lunges towards him and itsuki dodges even as he keeps going -- veering a little too far to the right, just close enough for any soldier to slash wildly at him]

-- Shit!

[he's doing his best but this is really like those jungle docus when the predators can instinctively tell who's the weakest in the herd tbh, itsuki is that baby elephant]

[ITSUKI IS REALLY THE BABY ELEPHANT - but the thing is that every sword is also aware that itsuki is the weakest link. another soldier goes to slash wildly at itsuki and oodenta grabs him by the arm and yeets him clear across the field.

the next soldier that heads toward itsuki's way gets stabbed in the throat and kicked by monoyoshi.

anyone that gets even close to their formation of swords - who automatically move so that itsuki is left at the center of their running pattern - gets felled quickly, though they don't manage to escape entirely unscathed. slashes and cuts slice through their clothes, but they can see the rift up ahead - the gateway to leave, though it seems to be closing]

There! Go, go!!

[later, itsuki will ask why the time government doesn't have a better system in place -- like telling the swords to leave first before trying to immediately close the time gate????? -- but for now,

he runs for the gateway along with the rest of the swords, grabbing onto the gate to try and stop it from closing too quickly, sorry he has to exhibit more gay behavior]

-- Buzen!

[sohaya runs ahead with hyuga at his back, and oodenta goes to support itsuki at the gate. buzen slashes at some more of the soldiers that are coming after them.]

Go! I'll catch up so it's a safe exit!

[playing with fire here aren't we, gou-san]

[Itsuki has really experienced a range of emotions during this mission, but this moment now? The fear that slices through him is hotter this time, sharper. Worrying about Buzen when he isn't around compared to worrying about him when he's right in front of him... as expected, there really is a difference.

and the difference is that it's worse?

he grits his teeth, and while he can't run as fast or fight as well as the swords, he can absolutely hold a gate open as long as he can.]

I'm not leaving without you!

[he'd felt terrible about not listening before, but that was then and this is now]

[the problem with holding onto a gate is that it leaves you wide open. and buzen is good at what he does, keeping most of the soldiers at bay, but he doesn't manage to quite get all of them. because itsuki is still the baby elephant of the swords, one more soldier - no, the general, ishida mitsunari - raises his sword to cut him down.

oodenta is holding onto the other side of the gate, and yet he still reaches out a hand -

but buzen is faster. not fast enough to draw his entire sword to parry in the space between them, but he raises his forearm and lets the sword cut into his flesh, slicing to the bone. it pulls out a flash of a curse from him. oodenta's outstretched hand seizes the warlord by the shoulder so he doesn't cut any further, and shoves him off.

but they're all close enough for oodenta to grab the two of them and shove them the rest of the way through the gate - stumbling through to the citadel in a bloody heap - and it closes behind them, the cries of an abandoned humanity in their wake]

[it really is worse when it happens right in front of him --

the shrieks and cries are still ringing in his ears, all the panic and running and sheer adrenaline still pumping through his body as itsuki frantically turns around, reaching down to clutch at buzen, to sling his good arm around his shoulders and stand up]

Buzen -- shit, your arm!

[this happened because of him! wow! we're gonna unpack that later!! for now -- he throws a desperate look to oodenta]

Denta-san -- please --

[ITSUKI WOULD LIFT HIM VERY DRAMATICALLY ALL THE WAY TO REPAIRS BUT HE FCKING CAN'T AND HE HATES THAT]

Suki - Itsuki!

[THE PANIC IS SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. buzen raises his voice again, his tone a little sharp like it'll help cut through some of itsuki's distress.

buzen shifts so that his arm isn't slung around itsuki's shoulders, instead just clutching onto one shoulder only and squeezing even as buzen winces.]

Just - breathe, okay? [the blood is definitely still dripping from buzen's arm, but he lets go of itsuki to just try to apply pressure on the wound - even if that makes him wince again too. but at least it's something.] It's going to be fine. Denta-san, can you get Suki to the Gous? I can get myself to Repairs before I pass out.

[there will simply be a trail of blood leading to it. buzen tries to focus his breathing even as he meets itsuki's eyes]

Calm down for me, okay? I'll come get you soon.

[ - everything's going to be fine now that they're at the citadel. buzen believes that. he just... doesn't want to say anything he might regret while he can still feel his frustration curling underneath his skin]

[Itsuki instinctively lets go, falling back a step at the sound of his name. there's blood on his hair and his clothes but it's all just -- here and there, random spots. some from hyuuga when he'd saved him, some from holding onto buzen, maybe some from that guy itsuki killed,

none of this blood is his own. his face twists a little, then he inhales, a -- not entirely calm, but less panicked expression on his face.]

-- No.

[it sounds like he's saying it to buzen -- but he turns to oodenta as he talks, shaking his head.]

I can find them on my own. I'm not hurt. [he inclines his head a little, to sohaya with hyuuga on his back and monoyoshi] ...Please help Buzen and Hyuuga-kun, and the others.

[he believes buzen when he says he'll come get him, and maybe he believes buzen when he says he'll get to repairs before passing out. but if everyone else has to go, then they can accompany buzen on the way.

they'll be of more use than itsuki would be. he turns and heads off towards the direction where the gous' room would be. the faster he leaves, the faster buzen and the others can go too]

[ . . . this heart is an inconvenient thing.

the way that it flares in anger when itsuki says 'no' because buzen is getting frustrated with the amount of times he's disobeyed during this mission, and the way that it settles into a strange feeling of guilt instead when itsuki goes off by himself. buzen sighs, expression falling once itsuki's back is to him and - he accepts it, when oodenta puts an arm around his middle to help support him to get to repairs.

buzen thinks he could've made it before he passed out - but he probably would've had to run, and running wouldn't be great when all this blood loss is happening. in truth, his comrades have to get somewhere safe first, and then they can debrief, and then....

he has to check on itsuki.

they were apart to give buzen some time to clear his head, but he's already tapping his foot in anxiety by the time that he makes it to repairs. even as he's getting repaired by aruji, giving his report, there's some part of him that's - distracted. and he doesn't like that. the way that duty and what he feels war with each other.

the gous welcome itsuki back - but not without concern, giving how bloody he is when he arrives. matsui and kotegiri insist on helping with his clothes, double-checking him for injuries, and the others already set about preparing food for him and buzen both. because they already know - where would buzen be if not next to itsuki right after a mission?

they're right when buzen shows up some time later in their joint room, and he greets them all with a smile and a request - ] Can we have the room for a second?

[to which the gous all look a little concerned, but they nod before leaving - at the end of the day, maybe buzen is a little used to being listened to.]

[Itsuki greets the gous with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes, but he submits to their attention easily enough -- partly because he wants to reassure them and partly because maybe he's done enough resisting in the last 24 hours.

it's not like him, he thinks. he always goes with the flow, always tries to follow whatever's being asked of him. ...except now. is it his selfishness, or is it because he cares so much more than he used to?

he's still thinking about it when the door opens and finally, finally -- buzen enters the room. itsuki's heart jumps in his throat, his feelings swooping from pure relief and happiness right back down to guilt. he keeps looking at him, even as the other gous leave, and eventually gets up too, moving closer and then -- stopping.]

Buzen.

[it's easier to look at his arm than at his eyes,]

...How's your arm? Are you okay?

Mm... I'm okay.

[he flexes his fingers on the arm that was injured as if to demonstrate this - that he's definitely okay. his sleeves are all rolled up enough to show that the skin isn't marked anymore, not even leaving a scar behind.]

... I nearly got up before Aruji was done, once it looked like it was healed enough, because I wanted to come get you sooner.

[because he was worried - about what itsuki could be feeling, about what could be going through his head.]

Are you okay?

[itsuki looks at that unmarked skin, the way it looks like buzen was never hurt in the first place. but he very clearly remembers it. his hands itch, the kind that he knows will go away as soon as he takes buzen's hand in his. he doesn't move, sighs in relief instead,]

...I'm fine. I'm just glad you stayed until you were healed completely.

[not that he doesn't understand that need, the desire to want to see someone at the expense of yourself. so he can't really be mad then -- if buzen had left mid-repair and come to see him, still wounded.

or maybe itsuki can, and acknowledge his own hypocrisy. his expression darkens a little, before he shakes his head a little -- clearing the thought from his head,]

...How's Hyuuga-kun?

... mm, he's okay. Aruji saw to him first - I think he'll regain consciousness soon. They put him in his room to recover, and some of the others are watching over him. I'll probably volunteer to take a shift soon.

[because at the end of the day, that's his comrade.

. . . but he shakes his head a little even as he goes to reach out for itsuki, letting his fingertips brush lightly against his arm.]

... we don't have to talk about it, if it's too soon.

But you don't need to lie to me, if you're not fine.

[seeing as how itsuki's first mission along with them was one that they failed... how could anyone be fine after that?]

[regain consciousness...

Itsuki stays still as he listens, expression conflicted. but when buzen touches him he doesn't jump, a small part of him settles instead.]

...However I feel, it can't compare to what you and the others are feeling right now. ...I'm not connected to that part of history like the others are -- and I didn't know what was going on -- not like you.

...And you didn't upset me. Not like how I upset you.

... I think some of that can make it scarier. None of them knew what was going on - and it was my first time seeing it myself. I'd only seen a world long after it was already cleared out of all human life.

[so he wouldn't say that he's especially affected...

as for being upset - he frowns at that.

and just lets his hand trail down itsuki's arm, touch light.]

... I'm sorry - for raising my voice. Did I scare you?

[his brow furrows a little at the mention that no one knew what was going on -- but maybe that's because it rarely ever happens? still... there's something about the mission and the abandoned world and the time government that doesn't sit easy with him --

the touch and apology distracts him, and itsuki stops being so hesitant, and instinctively reaches for buzen's hand instead, giving it a reassuring squeeze,]

...I was just surprised. Which, now that I think about it, was pretty stupid of me to be.

...I would have yelled too. [...] I'm sorry, Buzen.

[the touch back gives Buzen permission, he thinks. he gently tugs on Itsuki’s hand to guide him back, closer, so that he can loop his arms around him to hold him gently.

he sighs, because he can’t entirely say that it’s okay. because a lot of what happened wasn’t but…

now isn’t the time for that, he thinks.]

… I forgive you.

We’ll talk about how we handle missions in the future later - but I’m just glad you’re safe.

[...he can't quite manage to say the same thing back to buzen, even if he thinks it in his heart -- his genuine relief that buzen came back to him, temporarily overriding the memory of his fear that buzen wouldn't.

...he can't say it, because buzen wasn't safe -- and a part of that was because of itsuki. because he knows that no matter how many times he wishes buzen to be safe, he won't be. it's not his job to be, and it's not what the mission requires from him.]

...I'm glad you're here.

[he can say that instead.]

[buzen shifts so that he can press his lips against itsuki's cheek, soft and reassuring as he encourages him to lean on him. sure, buzen's been repaired.... but his aches were mostly physical.

he's not sure how itsuki is doing emotionally, and that's a lot more pressing to him. there were things that they disagreed on here, flashes of conflict that they haven't had before, but ultimately it comes down to being able to make it home together. the mission was failed but -

well, it felt like it was already well on its way before they even arrived.

he rubs itsuki's back even as his hand comes up to his hair to gently ease out the hair pin, pressing it back into itsuki's palm, hoping that its warmth and comfort will help him.]

... come on. Let's go to the springs together. I'll help you wash.

[Itsuki peeks at Buzen from underneath the fringe of his bangs, fingers curling around the warmth pulsing in his hand. he looks as if he's searching for something in his face, maybe a trace of the anger buzen should still feel... but he can't quite find it, just feels the warmth from his hand on his back.

...]

...Mm, okay.

[they should wash, unless repairs also make swords squeaky clean... well, itsuki has to anyway, especially with the amount of panicked running he's done. he heads to the springs with buzen, one hand holding his pin, the other tentatively entwined in buzen's up until they get there.

he tucks his pin and clothes away, moving automatically to help buzen with his clothes too. buzen said 'i'll help you wash' but as far as itsuki's concerned this is a group effort?]

[buzen will accept the help as easily as he always does, letting itsuki fold the clothes as he pleases while he goes to check out the rest of the springs. he looks back over his shoulder and easily announces - ]

Looks like everyone else went ahead, so we've got it to ourselves.

[and he'll hold his hand out to itsuki then, in case he'd like to take it. he's still trying to gauge exactly how much itsuki does or doesn't want from him right now, given the tension of things earlier.]

[not both itsuki and buzen like: :( does he want me here

itsuki takes his hand with a smile that's uncertain, but there. it's true he feels hesitant and careful now... but being affectionate with buzen always feels natural. and if buzen holds out his hand to him, then that means he wants to.

itsuki keeps that thought in mind as he follows him deeper into the springs, hands linked.]

Yeah? Guess that makes us lucky then.

[it's the kind of line he'd say at any other time with full ~~horniness~~ confidence, but there's a wry pull to his smile now, a little hesitant once again. a reminder maybe, that he can't pretend that nothing is wrong as easily as he might have once tried to]

Mm, it'll be nice to relax a little.

[ - and that's hopefully what'll happen, right? buzen moves first, slowed only so he doesn't just suddenly yank itsuki along - he's probably slipped and fallen into the hot springs more than once. but he's careful now when he steps in, giving itsuki his hand to hold onto for stability as they settle into the water.

once they find a spot to sit and relax, the steam rising and the warmth of the water up to their shoulders, buzen looks to itsuki again.

itsuki found it hard to meet buzen's eyes, but now buzen looks at him openly, trying to understand his expression. the hesitance and the wryness.]

... do you want to talk about it?

[that should be his line, shouldn't it? if he prioritizes others, then he doesn't have to focus on himself... especially when it's this difficult to look back on what he's done today. still...

doesn't he owe it to buzen to say something?]

...I should have pushed harder in their dreams. [pensive,] Maybe then... things wouldn't have turned out that way.

[maybe the betrayals could have happened the right way then,]

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